Presents For Eleven
by Mcshnee
Summary: Morelli makes a mistake involving...nevermind. He makes a big mistake. So when Steph starts receiving freaky gifts, she turns to Batman for help.
1. Default Chapter

Let me know what you think! – Heather

**Post TBO**

**Setting the scene: Steph stayed with her parents until her apartment was free again, Ella dropped by to give Steph some Arnica gel for her bruises and also gave Steph her phone number, in case Steph needed some more. Steph and Morelli are off-again.**

Chapter 1 

I searched through the mess that was my kitchen side. Ah ha, I found it! I picked up my cell and dialled the number on the elusive scrap of paper that Ella had given me.

'Hello?'

'Ella?' I asked. 'It's Stephanie.'

'Oh. Hello dear, how are you?'

'Ok, thanks. I was wondering if you knew where Ranger is?'

'He's in the conference room on the second floor of the Haywood offices, dear.'

'Is it an important meeting?'

'It's nothing earth shaking dear, I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you interrupted. Is everything alright?'

'Yeah, fine, thanks Ella.'

'You're welcome dear, have a good day.'

'You too.' I said.

Disconnect.

Hmm, clearly not all Rangeman employees have terrible phone manners.

I pulled on surgical gloves and picked up the box, carefully locking my door behind me and putting my security system in place. I walked out to my car, placing the box in the shotgun position next to me. I cranked over the engine and drove to Haywood.

I parked a block away and walked to the office building. I hadn't been here since staying here three weeks ago during the Slayer thing, and it felt a bit awkward.

I shoved my awkwardness aside and got in the lift, I rode up to the second floor, and sure enough, there was a wooden door with a gold plaque that read _conference room_. Since Ella said Ranger would be in '_the_ conference room' rather than '_a_ conference room', it was fairly safe to assume that Ranger was inside.

I knocked once, the box under my arm, and then I opened the door and walked in.

'Babe?' Ranger said.

The conference table appeared to be full of Merry Men, but at a glance I only recognised Tank, Bobby Brown and Lester Santos.

Ranger was at the head of the conference table in one of those big leather chairs that big time Bosses always sit in; you know, the swivel ones that looks like the person sitting in it should have a cat on his lap and should say things like 'So, we meet again.'

'Babe?' Ranger repeated, bringing me back to the present.

I walked over to him and put the box down on the desk, in front of him.

'It's a gift for you.' I said.

'It has 'To my dearest Stephanie' written on it.' Ranger said.

'Well, yes, but it's for you.' I maintained.

He raised an eyebrow.

'What?' I said, 'it could happen! Sometimes people kidnap me when they're looking for you…so maybe someone this for you.'

'Stolle kidnapped you, no one else.'

'What about the thing with the guy yesterday?' I said, before I could stop myself. My eyes widened as I said this, oops. I really hadn't meant to tell Ranger about that.

'Explain.' He said firmly.

'It's nothing, really. In fact, I probably dreamt it. I should go now.' I turned on my heel and started to walk away.

'Stop.' Ranger said.

Damn. I knew he wouldn't let me get away so easily.

'Turn.'

I turned around slowly so I was facing him.

'Back.' He said.

I rolled my eyes, feeling like a dog, but I nonetheless walked back to him.

'Explain Babe. Now.'

I blew out a sigh.

'I was walking out of Pino's, and this guy with a gun told me to come with him, cos his boss wanted to talk to me about you.'

'And?'

'And I'd had a bad day.' I said.

'So?'

I sighed again. 'So I kicked him in the bollocks, punched him in the face and told him to take a long walk of a short pier. Then I told him that if his boss wants info on you he can phone you like normal person and ask you. And then I told him it was rude to pull a gun on a girl, especially before she's eaten her pizza.'

Ranger grinned at me, 'Babe.' He said, 'he had a gun.'

I folded my arms across my chest, 'So?'

'Did you have your gun?' he asked.

'I had hair spray,' I said defensively.

'Hair spray.' He repeated, shaking his head.

'What?' I said, 'I'm a girl from jersey - I could probably kill someone with hair spray!'

'What did he look like?'

'Caucasian male, quite built, about six ft, dressed in jeans and a white shirt.' There, that sounded professional, probably I should stop there – but my brain and mouth aren't always connected so well and I carried on talking. 'And he had terrible hair' I said. 'He could have done with some of my hair spray.'

I could see the amusement in Ranger's eyes. 'And the box?' He asked.

'I told you - it's a present. For you.'

'You always give people presents wearing surgical gloves?' Ranger asked.

I shrugged. 'I didn't want to get prints on it.'

Ranger reached into a draw and pulled out some leather gloves. Then he lifted the lid off the shoebox and looked in.

He stared into the box for a long minute before he replaced the lid firmly.

'Babe.' He sighed.

'Is it gross?' I asked.

Ranger raised an eyebrow.

'I didn't look inside.' I admitted, 'it smelled icky.'

Ranger got up and put the box in what appeared to be a dumb waiter. He closed the clear door and pressed a few buttons and the box disappeared downwards. Ranger pressed some more buttons on the intercom, 'I'm sending you down a package. Dust it for finger prints, do some DNA tests and get me an ID.'

'Sure thing Boss.' Said a disconnected voice out of the intercom.

Ranger turned back to me, 'sit.' He said, gesturing to his chair.

I sat. Wow, comfy - maybe I should get myself one of these…of course to pull off the chair I really needed a huge international company of some kind, and office buildings.

Maybe I wouldn't bother with the chair.

'You notice anyone unusual hanging around?' Ranger asked.

'Ranger, this is me. I'm friends with a woman with a moustache and mob connections, a plus size ex-hooker with a preference for lime green spandex, a doped out man who wears what he terms a 'supersuit', not to mention a cross-dressing, puzzle solving, rock singer. Most of the people I hang round with are unusual!'

Ranger nodded fractionally, 'true. You seen any strangers around?'

I shook my head.

'Have you been tailed recently?'

I thought about that, then mentally shrugged, I've never been that good at the whole spotting-the-tail thing. 'This may surprise you,' I warned Ranger, 'but sometimes I'm not 100 aware of my surroundings. Sometimes things like being tailed slip under my radar.'

Ranger's lips twitched upwards, 'no shit.' He said, amused.

'It's true.' I admitted.

'Where was the box?' Ranger asked.

'Outside my apartment door. I checked the hair and it was still in place so I doubt anyone broke into my apartment.'

'The hair?' Ranger asked.

'I put a hair across the bottom of the door; if the door gets opened the hair gets moved across the hall some. But if the hair's where I left it then probably no one broke in.'

'That's your security?' Ranger asked, incredulous.

'It's what James bond does! Besides, I didn't have enough money for a thumb-printing, eye-scanning, security system.' I said, shrugging.

'You could just get an alarm.'

'I had one of those, but people broke in so often that my neighbours complained to the super.'

Ranger pulled out his cell and dialled some numbers. 'Hola Hector. Me gustaria…' he babbled on in Spanish and I tuned it out. I kicked off my sneakers and pulled up my legs onto the chair; that was comfier. I'll just rest my head here a minute.

I felt warm hands encircle my waist and then I was lifted up and settled on to a warm lap. Mmm, scent of Ranger, I wrapped my arms around Ranger's neck and nuzzled in so I could smell him better, no one smells this good.

'Babe.' Ranger said, 'wake up.'

'Nuh uh.' I murmured, trying to go back to sleep.

'Babe.'

'I don't wanna go running.' I said.

I could feel Ranger laugh silently and I could hear the amusement in his voice as he said, 'ok, if I promise not to make you run today, will you promise to run with me tomorrow?'

'Mmm,' I replied, still half asleep, 'ok, I promise.'

'Good, now wake up, Babe.'

I sighed and opened my eyes, and was completely disorientated as I realised I wasn't in my bedroom.

'What? Where? Huh?'

'You fell asleep, in the conference room in Haywood, and I'm not sure how to answer 'huh'.' Ranger said.

'Wiseass.' I muttered.

I stretched slightly and rubbed my eyes.

'I'll be over at 5am tomorrow.' Ranger said.

'What? Why?'

'To go for our run.'

I blinked. Shit. 'You can't hold me to that! I was half asleep!'

'Doesn't matter. You promised.'

'Raaaa-nger!' I whined, 'No fair. Besides, what kinda person gets up at 5am? That's not normal!'

'Babe, you're not normal.' Ranger said.

'I am so! I could normal your ass off.'

Ranger grinned, '5am. Be ready.'

'Shit.' I said, 'couldn't we go for donuts instead?'

'No.'

I sighed, if I changed the subject, maybe he'll forget. Besides, I'm curious.

'So, what was in the box?' I asked.

'A pair of severed hands.'

'You have a sick sense of humour, you know that?' I yelled.

'What?' Ranger said, surprised at my outburst.

'Not, you.' I explained, 'God.'

'God.' Ranger repeated; sounding a little mystified.

'Just the other day I was thinking to myself 'hey, I could really do with another pair of hands.''

'And you think God sent you a pair of severed hands?'

'It could happen. He sent the Israelites bread.'


	2. The line that divides us

_Let me know what you think!_

**'Just the other day I was thinking to myself 'hey, I could really do with another pair of hands.''**

**'And you think God sent you a pair of severed hands?'**

**'It could happen. He sent the Israelites bread.'**

Chapter 2

'Apart from God, do you have any idea who would send you…the box?' Ranger asked.

'No. But it's ok, because the box is for you, not me.'

'Babe. You need to deal with this.'

'People deal with things in different ways.' I said, 'I deal by not dealing.'

'Babe.' He said firmly.

I hopped off his lap, 'look,' I said, then I drew a line on the floor with my finger. 'You see that line?' I asked Ranger.

He looked down at the floor, 'No.'

'It's an invisible line.' I said, exasperated.

'Well then I definitely can't see it.'

I rolled my eyes, 'you have to use your imagination. Pretend.'

He looked at the floor, and then back up at me, then at the floor again. He met my eyes. 'Ok.' He said, resigned.

'You see the line?'

'Yes Babe, I see the imaginary invisible line.'

I nodded, 'good. Ok, on this side of the line,' I said, pointing to Ranger's side of the line, 'is the real world, it's a pretty sucky place really, but it's where most people live. Now, on this side of the line,' I said, pointing to my side, 'is the land of denial. This is where I live. In the land of denial I don't get stalked every few weeks, and I don't destroy cars at an alarming rate. In the land of denial, everything is peachy keen. See?'

Ranger stood up, he looked down at the line and then he stepped over it.

'Bad things don't happen in denial land?' he said finally.

'They happen. But you squinch your eyes shut and pretend real hard that they didn't.'

Ranger nodded fractionally, then he swept me up into his arms and carried me over the line.

'No!' I yelled, struggling, 'put me back!'

'No.' he said.

'Ranger!'

'Stay in the real world with me for a few minutes and I'll bring you a donut tomorrow.'

I thought about it. 'Ok, but if you leave me in the real world for too long I'm going to cry.'

'Why?'

'Because three weeks ago I got kidnapped and beaten and nearly raped and killed by a gang, and because someone sent me hands in a box, and because yesterday I had the day from hell, and because you-'

I stopped myself from saying 'because you don't want me' just in time. I took a deep breath and hoped he wouldn't pursue it.

He frowned, 'because I what?'

I have screwy luck.

'What?' I said, eyes wide and innocent looking.

'What were you going to say?'

'About what?'

'About me.'

'You?'

'Me.'

'What about you?'

'What were you going to say?'

'About what?'

'Me!'

'What about you?'

Ranger took a deep breath, 'you're not going to tell me, are you?'

I smiled, 'nope.'

He blew out the breath through his nose, then he sat back down on the chair and pulled me onto his lap.

'Alright. I'll leave it.' Ranger stated.

I smiled in triumph.

'For now.' He said.

Dammit.

'Now, talk to me.'

'I really really don't know anything about the box, honest! I haven't seen anyone flunky, and my spidey sense hasn't twinged,' I frowned suddenly. 'Except it did.' I said slowly, 'Yesterday, at the park, and then later, at the Mall.'

Ranger had long since learnt not to dismiss my spidey sense.

'Ok.' He said, 'so he's sticking to public places, lots of people. Hard to spot someone out of place.'

I nodded, 'great. A semi-intelligent stalker; just what I've always wanted.'

'Did you ask your neighbours about the box?'

'No. At first I though it was from Morelli…and then when I smelt it, I freaked out and tried to call you, but your cell was off. So, I rang Ella, and she said you were here. So I came here.'

'Why would you think that Morelli wouldn't just break in like normal?'

'We had a sorta disagreement yesterday.' I said, understatement of the century.

Yesterday had started so well. Ok, so I felt a bit guilty because I got up late, but it wasn't anything a tastycake or two couldn't fix. I'd showered and dressed and my hair had been looking pretty awesome. I'd gone to the park and found my Fta serving ice cream, just like my info said he would be. He came in easily, and I earned myself $750. Eddie told me that Joe had the day off so I decided to swing by his place so we could talk.

According to Joe, we were on-again in a remote way. I wanted to discuss exactly what this meant. I knocked on his door, but he didn't answer. I used my key and let myself in, it was a nice day, and probably he was outside and didn't hear me knock.

He wasn't outside. He was in the dinning room – naked, doing the horizontal mamba with Terri Gilman. On the dinning room table. I must have made a noise, because Joe turned his head to look. 'Cupcake-' He said.

I turned on my heel and fled.

'Babe?' Ranger asked, bringing me once more back to the present. 'You look scary.'

I smiled, not a pretty smile, probably it was a lot like the one Joe saw before I hit him with the Buick when I was nineteen.

Ranger's eyes widened. 'Bad fight?' He asked.

'Bad.' I agreed.

'Then you might wanna go; Morelli and the captain are supposed to be here in a minute.'

'Shit.' I said. I leapt off his lap, and all but ran to the door, but just as I reached for the door handle, the door opened, and in walked the stud himself.

He froze as he saw me. We stared at each other, neither of us saying anything, the whole room deadly silent.

I wanted to yell, I wanted to scream, I wanted to kick him repeatedly in the bollocks. But you shouldn't air dirty laundry in public, and half of Rangeman were here. So I restrained myself, and stared silently.

The captain walked in, 'Stephanie.' He said, smiling easily at me, he hung round with my Dad at the Elks sometimes.

'Captain.' I nodded to him, not quite able to work up a smile, damn Ranger for forcing me into the real world.

I turned and started to walk through the door.

'Stephanie.' Joe said, he sounded agonised.

Good.

I paused – long enough to make it clear I'd heard him – then I walked away.


	3. Oh tequila!

_Let me know what you think!_

**'Stephanie.' Joe said, he sounded agonised.**

**Good.**

**I paused – long enough to make it clear I'd heard him – then I walked away.**

Chapter 3

I drove on autopilot, but I wasn't really that surprised when I reached my destination. I knocked on the door twice and Lenny answered.

Sometimes Lenny isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but he took one look at my face and yelled for Mary Lou.

'Steph? Come in, what's the matter?' Mare asked.

I hadn't told anyone about Joe's _indiscretion_ yet – all the Burg knew was that I'd been seen going into Joe's house and then leaving half a minute later. This hadn't exactly been priority gossip, as I'd been coming and going from Joe's house quite regularly a few weeks ago.

'Did you hear that I went to Joe's yesterday?' Asking Mare this was superfluous really, she _always_ heard the gossip about me, no matter how small; as my best friend it was her duty to listen to gossip - and then to refute it if need be.

Mare nodded.

Tears started falling and I had a huge lump in my throat. 'The dinning room table…' I cried, 'why is it always the dinning room table?'

'Oh, Steph.' She said. She wrapped her arms around me and held me while I bawled. In between bouts of tears I told her the whole story.

'Gilman?' she'd hissed, 'that skank!'

'She has perfect boobs…' I sobbed.

'I have it on good authority that they're fake.'

I half sobbed and half laughed, 'I love you Mare.' She always knows how to make me feel better.

'I love you too, which is why I'm going to phone Lula and Connie and then we're going to drink tequila slammers and eat Ben and Jerry's, and bitch about how we hate men.'

'I'll go get supplies while you phone, then I'll meet you back at my apartment. Ok?'

Mare nodded, already dialling.

At the Seven/Eleven I brought nachos, salt, lemons, two bottles of tequila and ten tubs of Ben and Jerry's. It wouldn't do to run out; and this was a two-tub day if ever there was one.

I expected the girls to be waiting in the hall when I got back, but they weren't so I shrugged and let myself in.

The girls were inside. 'How did you get in?' I asked.

'I picked the lock.' Connie said.

'Mob girl's been holding out on us.' Said Lula.

Connie shrugged, 'it never came up.'

'Mare told you?' I asked.

'Yeah.' Lula said, 'we been trying to think of a new name for him; no way I'm calling him Supercop now.'

I smiled, 'how bout 'scum-sucking two-timing skank-fucking lying-asshole?'

'Maybe,' Lula said, 'but I'm thinking that be a lot of breath to be wasted on that sorry sonsabitch.'

I love my friends.

And three hours later, I _really_ loved my friends.

Three hours later, we were tanked on tequila and we were singing, 'Oh tequila, it makes me happy…'

'What I hate about men,' I said, 'is that you never know where you stand with them, you know? One minute they're all 'let's get married', and the next they're fucking skanks on dinning room tables. I hate dinning room tables.' I looked around, but I didn't have a dinning room table, so I settled for the coffee table instead. I stomped on it really hard, but it didn't break.

'Lula,' I said, 'help me smash the stupid dining room table.'

'It's a coffee table.'

'Yeah, but I'm projecting my anger at dining room tables onto my coffee table.'

'Works for me.' She said.

We both stomped on the table, it broke and I did a happy dance. Then I picked up the halves and broke them some more. Then I picked up the pieces of table and shoved them out into the hall.

'I feel better now.' I said.

'Good,' said Connie, 'time for another slammer.'

* * *

'What I hate about men is the way they use, you know?' Lula bitched. 

We all nodded; Lula knew better than most about the way men could abuse you.

'Take this man I been seeing, one minute he's all 'Lula, you've changed me, I'm a better man.' And the next he's picking up his clothes and hightailing it out the door. Bastard.'

We nodded and took another shot.

* * *

'What I hate about men is the way they interfere!' Connie said. 'So what if I am dating an assassin? Is that any of cousin Tony's business? No it isn't. But he goes and tells my beau to get out of town before he comes after him with cement boots. I mean, yeesh.' 

'Yeesh.' We all repeated, but probably for different reasons to Connie.

We took another slammer.

* * *

'Mare!' I slurred, 'it's your turn to say what you hate about men!' 

'What I hate about men is…the way they leave the toilet seat up! I mean, how hard is it to put it down, really?'

We all stared at Mare; her hate thing wasn't quite in the same league as ours somehow.

'What?' she asked, 'it bugs me.'

We shrugged and downed another shot.

* * *

'Babe.' Ranger said. 

What was he doing here? Last thing I remember was drinking tequila…lots of tequila.

I was lying face down on the living room floor. I pushed myself up and groaned as my head throbbed painfully; oh tequila you don't make me happy…you make me hungover like a dog.

I pried my eyes open and looked towards Ranger; he was flanked by Tank and Bobby.

'I brought enforcers.' He said.

'For what?'

'Running.'

'Not happening.'

'You drink all the tequila?' He asked, eying the two empty bottles.

'Me and Mare and Lula and Connie,' I whispered. 'Could you not talk so loud?'

'What's with the table?' he asked in a quieter voice, gesturing out to the hall.

I couldn't remember what he was talking about. I dragged myself out to look. I stared at the pieces of my coffee table.

I stumbled back into my apartment.

'It broke.' I said.

Ranger smiled.

'I see lots of empty ice cream tubs Babe.'

'I only ate two of them.'

Ranger's smile widened and he shook his head slightly, 'Babe, you have no self control.'

'Sure I do. Think of all the times I didn't jump your bones.'

Ranger flashed me a 200 watt grin and I blushed, 'I can't believe I just said that.' I muttered.

Lula groaned from behind the couch, 'stop talking, my head hurts.'

Boy, could I relate to that.

'What did Morelli do?' Ranger asked.

'Huh?'

'You had your girl friends over; you got very drunk and ate ice cream. What did he do?'

To tell or not to tell? Hmm. The truth is, I've just told three of the biggest gossips in town, I love them, but in a few hours time it'll be all over the Burg that Joe screwed the skank. Better Ranger hears it from me.

'I smell burning Babe.'

I stuck my tongue out at him, and then I sighed, 'you'll find out soon anyway. I walked in on Terri and Joe.'

Ranger's jaw tightened. 'Tell me they were talking.'

'Well, there might have been talking involved, but if there was it was probably along the lines of 'oh Joe' and 'faster'…that kind of thing.'

'You ok?'

'I'm very hung over.'

'Besides that.'

'Lets see; three weeks ago I got kidnapped and beaten, nearly died, but hey shit happens. I try to get over it, you know? But then my kinda boyfriend, who says he wants to marry me, is screwing the mob bimbo, and someone is stalking me and sending bits of people. Would you be ok?'

'No.'

'No, me either. And now I'm going to cry, and its not going to be pretty, and then my head's going to hurt even more.'

'Go get Steph a large coke and fries from McDonalds. And some ketchup.' Ranger said to his men, handing them money. They nodded and left.

Ranger lifted me up and carried me to the couch, then he sat down and settled me onto his lap like he had yesterday.

'Ok,' he said, 'you can cry now.'

I nodded into his neck. And then the floodgates opened.


	4. Stairs can be dangerous

_Here you go, let me know what you think - Heather x_

'**Ok,' he said, 'you can cry now.'**

**I nodded into his neck. And then the floodgates opened.**

Chapter 4

I heard the door to my apartment open, and the smell of French fries wafted out to my nose. The Merry Men have excellent timing; I've just about finished crying all over Ranger, and now I definitely need _the cure_.

My head feels like a time bomb…it could explode any second now.

Tank held out the McDonalds bag to me, I nodded thanks; already busy pouring the ketchup over the fries. I scarfed my way through the fries, drank the coke, and started to feel like a human being again.

'The brain swelling's gone down now.' I informed Ranger.

He smiled, 'feeling better?'

'Yup,' I nodded. 'Thanks,' I said to the room in general.

Lester and Tank nodded, and Ranger's arms tightened slightly around me.

'You're not going to make me run now, are you?'

I felt Ranger laugh silently. 'Tomorrow.' He said.

'6?' I said hopefully.

'5.' Ranger corrected.

I sighed. Lester tried unsuccessfully to squelch a grin. I sent him a Burg glare, and his grin widened.

'Hector's going to install you a security system later, ok?' Ranger said.

I could say no…but that would be stupid. So I shrugged, 'sure.'

'He'll be done by 4, then I'll swing by and explain how it works.'

'Ok, thanks Ranger.'

Ranger kissed me lightly on my hair and lifted me easily off his lap, before depositing me on the couch again. He stood up gracefully, 'later Babe.' He said, and him and the Merry Men made like wind.

I carefully stepped over Lula and made my way to the bathroom, I had a shower and felt even better. I got dressed and checked the time, 6:30am.

Well screw that.

I went back to bed.

I woke up at two in the afternoon, oops. I heaved myself out of bed and made my way to the living room, it was empty. Guess the girls went home.

I ate some pop tarts and decided I might as well stay here and wait for Hector. I set about cleaning up; it's surprising how much mess stomping on a table can leave.

I heard someone picking my lock and then Hector walked in.

He paused, clearly surprised to see me here.

'Hola.' He said finally.

I gave him a finger wave. His lips twitched in amusement; do none of the Merry Men smile properly? Except Lester.

Stupid Lester.

'Bang.' Hector said, I hope he's referring to the time I shot the shit out of the keypad, and isn't threatening to kill me.

Since I'm pretty sure I'd faint if another person threatened me, I smiled and went with the first option.

'Bang.' I repeated.

He pointed outside into the hall, 'smash.' He said.

He must be referring to the table pieces outside; I hadn't quite gotten around to tidying that up.

'Smash.' I agreed

He looked at me for a moment more, and then he fetched his toolbox and mechanical gizmo's and set to work

I guess the conversation's over.

I shrugged and went back to cleaning.

'Aren't I a good hamster Mommy?' I asked Rex, He twitched his whiskers at me from his sparkly clean cage and disappeared into the soup can.

Ungrateful brat.

It was nearly 4 o'clock. Finally, I could put it off no longer. With a sigh I dragged myself to my beeping answer machine, the light was flashing frantically. It was kinda dangerous really, that kinda thing could induce epileptic seizures.

I grit my teeth, took a deep breath and pressed play.

The first seven messages were about Joe's infidelity: mostly cursing him ('Morelli men are all the same') and giving me commiserations.

My mom asked if I was mistaken in what I saw? Or maybe Joe was working and _had_ to sleep with Terri?

I could almost feel my Mom's desperation as my 'last chance' for marriage slipped away.

The next three messages were _really _interesting. According to Eddie, Carl and Big Dog, Joe had come into work with the shit kicked out of him; apparently he fell down the stairs – at least that's what he's telling everyone.

But it was the last message that _really_ grabbed my intention. It was from Sue Ann, the gossip queen extraordinaire, and my main source of information.

'Steph? How are you? It's Sue Ann. I heard the most interesting thing; I heard that at 6 o'clock this morning, a brand new black Mercedes was parked a few blocks away from Joe's. Apparently, three huge guys dressed in black got out, and then they walked to Joe's and went in. They went back out about half an hour later. And then at seven Joe left for work, by which time he'd uh…fallen down the stairs. Just thought you might wanna know.' She paused. 'I wonder where Ranger was this morning? Bye Steph.' Subtlety has never been one of Sue Ann's strong points.

I felt this huge grin spread across my face. I should be mad that Ranger _may_ have assisted Joe's fall down the stairs, absolutely hoping mad – it might send out the message that big bad girl bounty hunter needs big bad boy bounty hunter to beat up her ex.

But the truth is, I couldn't beat up Joe; I'm a girl from the Burg, and my mom would be scandalised. But I could be happy that Ranger and his Merry Men had done it for me.

Besides, Eddie and the other's knew Joe hadn't fallen down the stairs, they just didn't know who beat him up; if they did they would have mentioned it. Only Sue Ann had a good enough network to find out about the Mercedes, the men, and Joe's fall. And she wouldn't tell – it wasn't a good idea to spread things like that around…Ranger might get annoyed.

I was standing there, grinning like a fool when Ranger, Tank and Lester walked in.

I ran to Ranger and threw my arms around him, 'You're the best!' I exclaimed.

Ranger smiled, 'oh?'

'Joe fell down the stairs.' I explained.

'Really?'

'Yeah, Carl thinks maybe he fell on the doorknob too, and that's what gave him a black eye.'

'It could happen.' Ranger said.

'Yeah.' I agreed, kissing him lightly on the lips. 'Thanks.' I said.

'For what?' Ranger said guilelessly.

'Being you.' I laughed. Then I rewound the last message again, and pressed play, letting them listen to Sue Ann's message.

'The boys and I were sparring this morning,' Ranger said blandly, 'I wonder why she wanted to know where I was?'

'Probably she was just curious.'

'Yeah.' Ranger agreed, smiling. 'Curious.'


	5. Rules

_A short one, let me know what you think! - Heather_

**'The boys and I were sparring this morning,' Ranger said blandly, 'I wonder why she wanted to know where I was?'**

**'Probably she was just curious.'**

**'Yeah.' Ranger agreed, smiling. 'Curious.'**

Chapter 5

Hector and Ranger spoke rapidly in Spanish, and then Ranger explained my new security system to me. It's pretty much the same as last time, but apparently it's more user friendly.

I have a keypad; on the keypad is a green LED and a red LED.

When the green one is lit; I'm good to go. When the red one is lit; I cower in the hall.

Simple.

It's all to do with motion detectors and yadda yadda yadda. I accidentally stopped listening; I have the attention span of a gnat.

To activate the motion detectors I push the little button; to activate the ones in the living room only, I push it once. To activate them all, I push it twice. To disarm the motion detectors I push the button three times.

Hector also installed three more locks on my doors; two of which were deadbolts. If I put on all my locks then hopefully I'd be safe.

At least that was the plan.

Unfortunately, plans seem to fall apart around me; I try not to take it personally.

A thought occurred to me, 'hey, does that mean you're not going to be able to break in?' I asked Ranger.

He smiled, 'I have very advanced B&E skills Babe, I can still break in, but if you're not here then I'll set off the motion detectors and a silent alarm will be sent to Rangeman headquarters.'

'Wait, you didn't mention that! So if the light goes red then an alarm is triggered?'

'Yeah, and the nearest Rangeman team will come to investigate.'

I was dumbfounded.

I bit my lip, 'You're bleeding money again aren't you?'

'Don't worry about it Babe.'

'Shit.' I sighed.

There was a knock on my door and we all paused. I went to the door and looked through the little spy-hole.

'It's the guy whose boss wanted to talk to me about you.' I informed Ranger. 'The one with the bad hair.'

Ranger gently nudged me to one side and undid all the locks, and then opened the door.

'Ranger.' Said the man, surprised.

'Cuellos.' Ranger replied, I guess that's Bad Hair's name.

'I've come to apologise to Miss Plum for accosting her.' Cuellos said.

Ranger raised an eyebrow and stepped aside, letting Cuellos in. Tank, Lester and Hector were fanned out, hands near their guns; ready.

'Miss Plum,' Cuellos said, 'I sincerely apologise if I scared you the other day, it was rude of me, I should have just asked you to come with me.'

'I wouldn't have come even if you'd said pretty please with a cherry on top. So don't worry about it, probably if you want me to co-operate guns are the way to go.' I said honestly.

'Babe.' Said Ranger, 'you're not supposed to say that.'

'Oh. I haven't read the handbook on what-to-say-when-mercenary-guy-who-waylaid-you-apologises.'

'Wiseass.' Ranger said. 'Rule one: Don't encourage people to use guns – people get shot that way.'

'I thought rule one was 'always be aware of your surroundings.''

Ranger paused, 'that's rule zero.' He said.

'Oops, my bad.' I sounded like Buffy.

'Have you been watching Buffy again?'

Damn Esp.

'Angel's hot.' I shrugged.

'Hotter than me?'

'Don't be stupid!' I said before I could stop myself.

Ranger grinned.

I rolled my eyes, and Ranger's grin widened.

Hector was grinning too, hey, wait a second – 'You're not supposed to be able to understand! I thought you only spoke Spanish?'

Hector shrugged, 'I been learning.'

'I've been learning.' I corrected.

'I've been learning.' Hector repeated it, nodding his thanks.

'So what was with the whole 'bang/smash' thing?' I asked.

'It was fun.'

I rolled my eyes again, uhn mental head thunk…fun.

'Excuse me?' said Cuellos, 'Can I go now?'

'Are you going to threaten me again?' I asked.

'No, I don't think so.' He said, touching his black eye gingerly.

'Ok. You can go.'

'Thank you ma'am.' He said, then he left.

'He seemed nice.' I said, 'very polite. But then Mrs Bestler thought Ramirez was polite, so maybe politeness doesn't count for shit.'

'Babe.' Ranger said, then him and his Merry Men made like bananas and split.

I watched TV for an hour and a half, then I made skid marks to my parent's house. I arrived with five minutes to dinner. Perfect. I went in and sat down in front of the TV, turning it up loud and invoking watcher's privilege to ignore anything else going on.

At six I sat up at the table and started shovelling food in my mouth; if my mouth was full then I couldn't answer questions, right?

Maybe I couldn't answer them, but it turns out my Mom and Grandma Mazur could still ask them, and eventually I'm going to run out of food.

Finally I gave up. 'Grandma, I don't know for sure but Mary Lou heard that they're fake. The bounty hunter with the excellent package is called Ranger and I expect he's too busy to come to dinner. I don't know anything about Joe falling down the stairs.' Ok, so the last thing was a lie – I'll say some Hail Mary's later.

I took a deep breath, 'Mom, Joe was screwing around behind my back, I'm not getting back with him and I'm not marrying him. Ever. Joe's screwing around has nothing to do with my job, and I am _not _going to work at the button factory.'

Silence descended upon our table.

'What's for dessert?' asked my Dad.


	6. Of running and underwear

_Let me know what you think!_

**I took a deep breath, 'Mom, Joe was screwing around behind my back, I'm not getting back with him and I'm not marrying him. Ever. Joe's screwing around has nothing to do with my job, and I am _not _going to work at the button factory.'**

**Silence descended upon our table.**

**'What's for dessert?' asked my Dad.**

Chapter 6

I left my parent's house with a huge bag of leftovers and half a chocolate cake. That's the way we express our feelings in our family: through food. Half a chocolate cake equates to an apology for pushing me about Joe.

It could also be despair that I'll never marry, and the conclusion that it doesn't matter if I get fat.

Sometimes talking through food can be a little hit and miss.

Still, I was going with the first option; everybody knows an apology cake doesn't have calories.

My plan was to spend the evening feeling sorry for myself, but I got bored with that after an hour or so, and so I settled in to watch some wrestling; there's nothing like watching ripped men fight, in nothing but tiny panties, to make a girl feel better.

At eleven I wiped the drool from my chin and got ready for bed. I locked my door, and checked my windows. Then I retreated to my bedroom.

I pressed the button on the keypad once and the red and green lights flashed at me before settling on green. Now the living room's motion detectors were set. Neat.

I just hope I'm not a closet sleepwalker.

Feeling safer than I have in a long time, I snuggled into bed.

I awoke to the familiar tingle that told me Ranger was here.

'Ranger.' I said, my eyes still closed, 'stop staring.'

I heard a soft laugh, 'just doing a dry run on your security. The comm. room should call me soon.' As soon as he finished saying this, his cell phone blazed to life.

'Yo.'

Pause.

'It's me.'

Pause.

Longer pause.

'Good.'

Then he hung up his cell.

'So,' I said, my voice still husky from sleep, 'you just wanted to check security?'

'No.'

'No?' I asked.

'I didn't_just_ want to check on your security, I wanted to check on you too.'

'Oh. And your conclusion?'

'You shouldn't eat all that cake by yourself.'

'It's apology cake…it doesn't have calories.'

Somehow it seemed less convincing when you said it out loud.

My eyes had become accustomed to the dark, and I could see Ranger smiling.

'Babe.' He said, his voice a cross between horrified and amused. Ranger was horrused.

'You could eat some cake? You know, making a sacrifice for the greater good?'

'The greater good being you not getting fat?'

'Yeah, but you don't want a fat white chick on your payroll, remember?'

'That's why we're going running in four hours.'

'FOUR HOURS?'

He laughed softly, 'yeah.'

'Well then I'm going back to sleep!'

Ranger moved closer to the bed, all traces of humour gone, instead he looked deadly sexy. Well, he always looks deadly sexy, but he looked like he _felt_ deadly sexy, and wow, that's even sexier.

He moved even closer until he was leaning over me, his breath teased my ear. And when he spoke his voice was deeper, huskier, rougher, 'Do you want a goodnight kiss Babe?'

He just ruined my panties.

I wanted to say yes, but I didn't want to seem needy…but I really did want that kiss.

'Yes.' I whispered.

He didn't laugh, didn't smile; he just leaned in and brushed his lips softly against mine.

'Goodnight.' He breathed.

By the time I un-glazed myself…he was gone.

Damn, but the man is sexy.

I tossed and turned for hours, no longer tired. Eventually though, sleep must have come knocking at my door, because I woke up at 5 when Ranger threw some sweats on my bed.

'Time to run.' He said.

I groaned, 'but I only just got to sleep.' I complained.

'Trouble sleeping Babe?' he said, a tad smugly.

'No.' I said instantly, Burg attitude coming out to play, 'I just wasn't tired.' I said defiantly.

A smile tugged at his lips, 'sure.' He said. I huffed into the bathroom and got ready. I went to open the bedroom door to leave, but his hand stopped me. He moved right up behind me, 'If it's any consolation Babe,' he whispered intimately, 'I didn't sleep at all.'

Oh my.

He opened the door while I was still dumbstruck, and guided me out with a hand on the small of my backt. Tank and Lester were leaning up against my kitchen side. There was no chocolate cake in sight.

'Did you eat my cake?' I said, eyes narrowed.

'Who, us?' said Lester, eyes wide.

'You've got chocolate round your mouth Lester.'

I was lying, but he didn't know that, so he reached up to wipe it away – ah ha! Proof he ate my cake.

'You owe me Santos.' I glared, 'I'll let Tank off because I got him exploded. And broke his leg. And stranded him at the airport…'

As I listed the disasters one after the other I felt a bit bad, 'You do get combat pay, right?' I asked.

Tank smiled, 'I'll make sure I have some next time I work with you, Miss Plum.'

'Call me Steph.' I said.

Tank nodded.

'Seeing as how your enforcers ate my cake, you are going to buy me that donut you promised me, right?' I said to Ranger.

Ranger nodded, resigned. 'Let's go.'

I started towards the door, but his hand on my shoulder stopped me, 'what?' I asked.

'Keypad.' He said.

'Oh yeah. How come it didn't work this morning when you guys broke in?'

'It did. I called the comm. room before we broke in so that they knew to deactivate the silent alarm. The keypad will be red.'

'Oh.' I said. I checked it, and sure enough, it was red.

I clicked it three times, switching off the motion sensors, then when we were outside I turned on all the sensors. It flashed green.

Cool.

I tucked the keypad into my waistband, and we set off at a steady pace. The men took turns encouraging and cajoling me, and before I knew it, I'd run five miles.

Bastards.

Ranger kept his promise, and he brought me a Boston cream from the tasty pastry. Then he walked me up to my apartment, partly to check I didn't collapse on the stairs, I'm sure. Ranger asked if he could use my bathroom quickly and I nodded, busy scarfing down a much needed donut.

A few minutes later he strolled out, muttered 'later Babe.' And was gone.

I climbed into the shower and let the hot water pour down my body, easing my aching muscles.

I wrapped a towel around myself, and picked up my t-shirt that I'd just tossed onto the bathroom floor when I was getting ready.

Wait a sec…where were my panties? I'd chucked them in a pile with my t-shirt. I searched and searched, but my lace French panties had vanished.

Oh. My. God. Ranger had used my bathroom before me…but he wouldn't…would he?


	7. Morelli

_A short one, but the next one's ready too! Let me know what you think! - Heather x_

**Wait a sec…where were my panties? I'd chucked them in a pile with my t-shirt. I searched and searched, but my lace French panties had vanished.**

**Oh. My. God. Ranger had used my bathroom before me…but he wouldn't…would he?**

Chapter 7

The thought of Ranger walking around with my panties in his pocket had me close to hyperventilating, so I tried not to think about it.

Probably he didn't have my panties.

Probably The Panties Fairy took them away to be cleaned.

Probably I'm delusional.

My not-thinking-about-it plan wasn't working so well for me. Maybe I'll go with plan B; I'll just ask Ranger if he stole my panties.

Hmm…maybe I'll give plan A another chance. Ranger might send me to a third world country if I try plan B.

That decided; I headed to the office. I was driving my new black Ford Escape. It wasn't as happy-looking as my old yellow Ford Escape, may it rest in peace, but it was more kick-ass. Maybe Ranger was right about the black thing.

Which got me thinking about Ranger, and therefore my panties, and before I knew it I'd made an accidental detour to the McDonalds drive thru. I ordered an Egg McMuffin and felt much better.

I walked into the office and picked up my pile of files off Connie's desk. I sat on the couch and started reading through them.

Lula sniffed the air, 'Did you buy your skinny ass McDonalds and not get Lula some?'

I met Lula's eyes and saw the instant she went into full Rhino mode.

'I'm a full bodied black woman, I need McDonalds or I'll waste away before your eyes, look at me, I'm wasting right now! I look like a waif! If you were a good friend you'd come with me to McDonalds right now. Look here, I have my purse all ready to go. We can pick up some scumbags on the way back.'

No way was I winning this fight. 'Let's go.' I sighed, resigned. I picked up my files and my bag, and we left. We drove to back to Micky D's, Lula ordered half the menu and I succumbed and ordered fries.

I'm pretty sure I've undone all the good of the run.

Running is stupid anyway.

Our first fta of the day was Elsie Jonason, she was born and raised in the Burg and she was everything a Burg girl was supposed to be.

She married at nineteen, had her first child at twenty, and has been popping them out alternate years ever since.

Five kids down the line and she looks forty-five, not thirty. Which might have something to do with her husband's wondering eye, and everything to do with her smashing up her husband's car with a tire iron.

If it was just her husband's eye that had been wondering then maybe his car wouldn't have gotten destroyed, but it was hands too, and his…well.

I could definitely relate, in my opinion his car deserved to be smashed up, and his secretary's too.

I knocked on the door and Elsie answered timidly. Her face brightened when she saw it was me, 'Stephanie,' she smiled, 'I'm glad they sent you to bring me in,' she said, 'I heard that rat fink Morelli was cheating on you.'

'Yeah.' I said, 'men are bastards.'

'Yeah,' she agreed, 'Thomas was boffing his secretary. Can you believe it? How cliché is that? At least screw the sandwich girl, or someone more original. The fucking secretary's not even that pretty! She has a huge nose…'

'Maybe she's like Pinocchio,' Lula said, 'and every time the bitch lies, her nose grows.'

'That would explain it.' Elsie said, 'that lying slut! All those times I phoned to see when Thomas would be home and she'd say he was having a dinner meeting and…' Elsie's bottom lip wobbled precariously.

I felt the first tendrils of panic; I cannot handle other people crying.

'You've got to be strong.' I said hastily, 'you can't let them win.'

Elsie nodded and tried to pull herself together. It looked to be a losing battle, but then Lula handed her a Twinky bar from nowhere and Elsie scarfed it right down, smiling bravely.

'Can I get re-booked now while the kids are at my Mother's?' she asked.

'Sure.' I said, and we trooped off to the cop shop. I phoned Vinnie to meet us at the police station so that Elsie could get released as quickly as possible.

Us women scorned have to stick together.

I climbed back into my Ford Escape and blew out a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding; I hadn't run into Joe.

I wasn't sure what I'd do if I did. Gone was the hurt of his betrayal, well ok, not gone, but definitely buried, but the anger? Oh I had anger in spades.

Probably if I saw what a bruised wreck he is I might feel better. Hmm. I opened the door and hopped back out.

'Where you going?' Lula asked.

'Inside, back in a sec.' I replied.

I navigated my way through the police station with ease. Joe was at his desk, head down, doing paper work. There was piles of it; stacks and stacks of paper work. It looked like it would take weeks to get through it all.

Sometimes politics at the cop shop got tricky, and I was friends with a lot of the cops; I doubted they were happy about him screwing around on me. Hence paperwork.

I love my friends.

Joe must have felt my eyes on him, because he looked up. He looked terrible; he had a mutha of a black eye, and a broken nose, he was sitting stiffly – and I knew from my friend Sally at the hospital that this was because he had three broken ribs, and one fractured one.

I was having a hard time working up any sympathy.

My anger wasn't dissipating any, but my satisfaction levels were skyrocketing – I wonder what I should get Ranger and his Merry Men as a thank you present?

'Shut the door.' Joe said.

I walked in and slammed it instead.

Joe winced.

'Was she worth it?' I asked.

'Cupcake-'

'Don't ever call me that again.' I ground out.

'It didn't mean anything, it was just sex, I swear. Please, Stephanie, don't throw us away for this.'

'You already threw us away.' I said, smiling.

'Jesus. You smiled at me just like that before you ran me over.'

My smile widened, 'Payback's are a bitch Morelli.'

'And what was this?' He asked, gesturing to his face.

'Ranger was irritated.' I said.

'He fucking broke my ribs, him and his goddamn goons. He grabbed me by my shirt, so I grabbed his, I asked him why his shirt was wet, and he went fucking gonzo.'

Ranger's shirt was wet with my tears, but I wasn't going to tell Joe that.

I met Joe's eyes, 'Watch your back Morelli, I _will_ get even.' Then I opened the door and closed it calmly behind me.

I was right; I did felt better.

I hopped in the car again and turned on the engine.

'Where are we going now?' Lula asked.

'The Mall.' I said.

'Not that I'm complaining, but why?'

'We're buying Batman a present.' I said.


	8. Presents

_And more! Aren't I nice? Look at all these 'presents' I'm giving you g> – Heather x_

**'Where are we going now?' Lula asked.**

**'The Mall.' I said.**

**'Not that I'm complaining, but why?'**

**'We're buying Batman a present.' I said.**

Chapter 8

'Is it his birthday?' Lula asked.

'No, it's a thank you present. I don't know when his birthday is.'

'Huh. Thanks for what?'

'All the help he's given me over the years.' I said, hoping she would accept that.

'You're holding out on me.' She said, giving me a glare good enough to be a Burg glare.

I shrugged slightly, and turned up the music real loud.

I parked in the lot and Lula and I hauled ass to the Mall. I had an idea for Ranger and Lester but I couldn't figure out Tank. Hmm.

I made a call to my mother and sorted out part of Lester and Tank's present.

Lula and I window-shopped until I found something that screamed Lester, and I brought it. Then I started searching for Ranger's present, after going in four stores I found the perfect version.

But what to get Tank?

I don't know a lot about Tank; I hadn't really spent a lot of time with him. He was Batman's silent right hand man: solid, dependable. But beyond that I only knew that sometimes he had traces of explosives on his clothes, would rather take a bullet for me than face Ranger's wrath, and could sit still without seeming to even breathe for hours on end. That was pretty much the sum total of my Tank knowledge.

Oh, and he doesn't wear tighty whiteys. Cross that off the Tank ideas list.

Wait…there's something else I remember! I went to a store and had it custom made. It would be ready tomorrow. Then I brought some wrapping paper and some scissors and some tape.

All set.

I put my purchases in the boot of the car and Lula and I headed back to the office. Lula was under an oath of silence, sworn over a bacon baguette. There was nothing better than bacon to Lula.

I pulled up at the office, and noted there was a brand new black Mercedes parked at the curb.

'Not a word.' I said to Lula.

Lula grinned but nodded obediently.

Connie signed over the money for Elsie's apprehension: it would just cover the cost of the presents, I'd ended up spending quite a lot, but hey there's no price on that kind of thing, right?

I picked up my check and pocketed it.

'Babe.' Said Ranger as he came out of Vinnie's inner sanctum. 'Outside?' he asked.

I nodded and followed him into the alley at the side.

'McDonalds twice?' He asked. I'd made Batman horrused again.

'It wasn't my fault!' I said. 'Lula said she was wasting away…'

Ranger's lips twitched.

'Did you steal my panties?' I blurted out.

Crap.

Ranger raised an eyebrow and I felt myself blush red.

'Um…' I said.

'You're not going commando.' He stated.

I rolled my eyes, 'unlike some people, I have more than one pair of underwear.'

'So what panties are you wearing?'

'They're red and they have…Ranger! I'm not telling you that!'

'Red.' He said, his voice a shade deeper than normal, 'Very sexy.' Then he pushed me against the wall and gave me a bone-melting kiss that left tingles in all the right places. And damn, he's ruined another pair of my panties.

'Later Babe.' He said, and was gone.

I blinked and tried to pull myself together, but damn, the temperature just got notched up by a few degrees.

I staggered back to the office and tried to act unaffected.

From the grins on Connie's and Lula's faces I'd say it didn't work so well.

I stayed at the office for another hour or so, catching up on gossip, or uh…gathering intel. Yup, gathering intel – that sounds better.

I drove home, and parked in a lousy space. I angled out of my car, taking my shopping with me. I took the stairs up, as I felt bad about the two McDonalds.

And the lift was out of order.

But I'm sure I would have taken the stairs anyway…

I checked my keypad before I unlocked my door; green, I was good to go. I shut off the motion detectors and unlocked the door. I dumped my shopping in my closet and paused as I saw something on my bed.

It was a pair of black silk boxers…they looked a lot like Ranger's.

Next to the boxers was a note in Ranger's flowing writing: I didn't steal your panties; fair exchange is no robbery. R

He took my underwear, so he gave me his.

My mouth was bone dry.

I reached out a hand and picked up his silk boxers, I ran it through my hands and imagined what it must feel like against his…OMG! Suddenly breathing was much harder.

I took a cold shower.

I just finished getting dressed when a thought occurred to me.

I speed dialled one.

'Yo.' Ranger answered.

'The light was green!' I said.

'I re-set the keypad from the comm. room.' He explained.

'Oh.' I said.

What was I supposed to say now? He had my panties, I had his – we were in a weird _underwear_ place.

'Um. Are you and Tank and Lester free tomorrow night?' I blurted out.

'Tank and I are on stakeout duty till eight. But I think we're all free after that. Why?' He said, curious.

'Could you all drop by my apartment at eight thirty?' I asked.

'Sure. We'll bring food. What do you want?'

'I don't mind, what do you guys normally eat?'

'Italian, Chinese, Thai, it doesn't matter.' He said.

'Well bring whatever you want.'

'Ok Babe,' Ranger said, 'we'll see you at eight thirty.'

'Shouldn't you check with them?' I asked.

Pause.

'Hang on.' Much longer pause. 'Yeah Babe, they'll be there.'

'Cool.'

'Later Babe.' He said, and hung up.

Wow, that was almost a goodbye.

I slipped into bed at eleven thirty and quickly fell asleep; shopping can really take it out of you.

I stirred, 'Ranger?' I asked sleepily.

'Sorry I woke you.' he whispered.

'Mmm, s'ok.' I yawned, still not properly awake. 'You k?'

'I'm fine. What's happening tonight?' he asked.

'Secret.' I murmured, snuggling deeper into the covers.

'Bet I could find out.'

'would spoil it.' I mumbled.

'Ok. I won't try and find out.'

'Mmm.'

'Are you awake?'

'Mmm.' I nestled into my pillow.

'Do you want a goodnight kiss?'

'Always.' He brushed his lips against mine and I sighed in contentment. His hand reached up and stroked my hair gently out of my face.

I was lulled by his touch, and just as I was on the precipice of sleep I heard Ranger ask, 'because I what Babe? Why would I make you cry?'

'Because you don't want me.' I murmured, and then I fell asleep.

I woke up feeling I'd forgotten something, but it wasn't Sunday so I scratched Church off the list. I vaguely remembered dreaming of Ranger, something about secrets I think. I shrugged and pushed it to the back of my mind.

Today was presents day, and I had things to do.

First things first, I picked up Mooner and re-scheduled him. An easy $70. Then I mooched lunch at my parents and picked up part of Lester and Tank's present. Then I went to the Mall and picked up the rest of Tank's present. I spent several hours buying shoes and panties for me, then I got a French manicure done and impulsively I got a massage.

Then, feeling incredibly relaxed, I hightailed it back to my apartment to wrap the presents before the boys arrived.

At eight thirty on the dot there was a knock at my door.

I checked through the spy hole and opened the door. It was the boys.

'You knocked.' I said to Ranger, shocked.

Ranger smiled. 'Sometimes I do that.' He said.

'You're wearing jeans!'

His smile widened, 'Sometimes I do that too.'

'Are you going to answer everything I say with 'sometimes I do that'?'

'Depends what you say Babe.' He said grinning.

I rolled my eyes, 'come in.' I said to Tank and Lester.

The smells of the food wafted in with the men, 'Mmm,' I said, 'Thai.'

'You can tell that just from the smell?' Lester said, amused.

'It's a god given talent.' I smiled.

Tank and Lester took an armchair each and Ranger and I took the couch. We ate whilst watching the game, eating Thai, drinking beer.

'Ok,' I said when the game was over, 'wanna know what's going on?'

Lester smiled, 'enlighten us, Oh magnificent one.'

Tank chuckled.

'Man,' I said to Lester, 'I got you pegged.'

Lester raised his eyebrow in question, 'You'll see.' I said, laughing.

I got up and grabbed the bag from my bedroom and carried it back in, and then I grabbed the cake tin from the kitchen side and put it on my new coffee table.

I settled back down on the couch next to Ranger.

'Ok,' I said. 'Today I went to the cop-shop. And I paid a visit to someone we all know and mildly despise.'

Lester grinned.

'So, I saw Morelli. Poor him, he has three broken ribs and a very broken nose, not to mention the black eye and the fractured rib. Of course, I was absolutely heart broken by this.'

'Of course.' Lester said. Tank and Ranger smiled.

'Anyway, I decided that I should thank you, for uh…_sparring_.' I opened up the cake tin, revealing the double chocolate cake that my mom had made, with little candy silver balls spelling out 'thanks' across the cake.

'I figured you could contaminate the temple if you wanted,' I said to Ranger, 'But seeing as how Tank and Lester liked my Mom's cake last time, I decided to give them a whole one.'

'Thanks Steph.' Said Tank, with a smile.

'You're an angel.' Said Lester.

'You're welcome, but that's not all the thank you's done.' I handed Lester his present. He opened it eagerly, like a kid at Christmas.

He burst out laughing, 'Damn.' He gasped, 'you _do _have me pegged!'

'What is it?' Ranger asked.

Lester showed him the black leather baseball cap with 'Wiseass' embroidered across the front in white letters.

Ranger laughed, one of those full-bodied laughs that I'd rarely seen.

'Very true.' Said Tank, grinning.

'Thanks Stephanie.' Said Lester, putting it on, 'It's great.'

'You're welcome.' I repeated, glad Lester liked it.

I reached into my bag and handed Tank his present. He unwrapped it and then opened the box, and then he started laughing.

He picked up the key ring out of the box; it was a rectangle of silver mounted on black leather, and on the silver it had '_Women only drive in my bed, never in my car'_ engraved on it.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his car keys, transferring the keys from the car company's key ring to his new one.

'Awesome.' He said, grinning, 'Thanks Steph.'

'Sure.' I said.

He showed it to the other two and they laughed again. When they finally regained control of themselves I reached into my bag and handed Ranger his present.

'You didn't have to, Babe.' He said.

'I know, but I wanted to.'

Ranger smiled and opened his present. It was an original leather bound edition of Carl Sanderburg's poems, with each page gold leafed.

'Babe.' Ranger said; sounding over-whelmed. 'Thank you. It's perfect, absolutely perfect. Thank you.'

'You sure you like it?' I asked shyly, 'you would tell me if you didn't?'

'If I didn't like it I would have just said thanks and smiled. I love it, thank you.'

'You're welcome.' I said happily.

Ranger glance round at the presents, 'Babe,' he said slowly, 'this must have been expensive.'

'Money's not important.' I shrugged, 'as long as I can make rent and have food, it doesn't matter.'

The boys were looking at me strangely.

'What?' I asked.

'Thank you.' Lester said in all seriousness.

'Ditto.' Said Tank.

They stood up and each gave me a massive hug and a kiss on the cheek, then they murmured their goodbyes and left me alone with Ranger.


	9. The Wizard Of Oz

_**Let me know what you think**_, _WARNING: Gory stuff contained. – Heather x_

**'Thank you.' Lester said in all seriousness.**

**'Ditto.' Said Tank.**

**They stood up and each gave me a massive hug and a kiss on the cheek, then they murmured their goodbyes and left me alone with Ranger.**

Chapter 9

'Wanna watch a movie or something?' I asked.

'Sure.' Ranger said. 'But no chick flicks.'

'How bout _The Day After Tomorrow_ – it's a disaster movie.'

'Sounds good.' He said. I put the DVD in the player and turned out the lights. I settled down on the couch next to Ranger.

The film was basically about a kind of third ice age, it was a good film, but I found myself shivering in sympathy for the characters.

Ranger laughed softly and wrapped an arm around me, drawing me close to him, 'better?' he asked.

'Better.'

By the end of the film I was sitting on Ranger's lap, my back to his front, with his arms round my waist.

The first time I'd seen Ranger watching TV it had been pretty surreal, but I guess I've had time to get used to the idea. And I had spent a few days living with him, so I guess the truth is I just feel more comfortable around Ranger.

Maybe comfortable isn't the right word – an old jumper is comfortable – what I feel is _not afraid_. But no, not comfortable – I don't think comfortable has this amount of sexual tension thrown in.

'What are you thinking about Babe?'

I answered automatically, without really thinking; 'Sexual tension.'

His arms tightened around me, 'Really?' He whispered into my ear, sending shivers down my body.

'Um…'

His lips grazed down my neck, and I let out a soft moan. His arms released my waist and then his hands started massaging my shoulders.

My earlier massage had been good, but compared to the way Ranger touched me it felt like the other guy had spent an hour poking me with a fork.

Ranger's skilled hands moved up and down my back, manipulating my body deliciously.

'Thank you.' he breathed in my ear.

'Hmm?'

'For my present.'

'It's ok. You beat up Joe for me.'

Ranger kissed the shell of my ear but didn't say anything.

The credits had finished rolling up, but I didn't want the evening to end yet.

'You wanna watch another movie?' I asked.

'Sure.'

'Die hard or The Wizard of Oz?'

Ranger laughed softly, 'whichever you want Babe, but if we watch The Wizard of Oz you can't tell anyone, ok?'

'Ok. Do you mind watching The Wizard of Oz? It's my second favourite movie to Ghostbusters.'

'It's fine Babe.' He said.

I hopped off his lap and changed DVDs. I turned and walked back to the couch, hesitating; did I sit on Ranger's lap or on the couch? Ranger Esp'd and held his arms out to me. I leaned back into his body and pressed play.

Half an hour into the movie and I could barely keep my eyes open, guess I was more tired than I thought.

'This movie always reminds me of you.' I told Ranger, yawning.

'The Wizard of Oz?' He sounded startled. 'Because Connie calls me The Wizard?'

'Mmm, and before I met you my life was black and white: it was all routines and schedules. And then I met you, and like Dorothy, my life turned upside down and I tumbled into the world of colour.'

'Not sure I can take all the credit for that Babe.' He said softly. 'You got yourself the job, not me.'

'Yeah, but I would never have stuck to it if you hadn't helped me. And Ranger?'

'Yeah Babe?'

'Through all the psycho's, all the explosions and fire bombings – I never once wanted to go back to black and white. I'd rather die in colour than live in black and white. Joe never understood that.' I said, resting my eyes for a minute.

I felt Ranger lay me down on my bed – I hadn't even been aware he was carrying me.

He removed my jeans and my socks, and then he tucked the covers around me.

'Goodnight Babe.' He said, kissing me on my lips.

'Night.' I think I said, and then I was asleep.

I threw my alarm clock across the room, but it didn't stop ringing. So, with several muttered curses, I got up.

Then I noticed that my keypad was on the other pillow; it was shining green and attached to it was a note.

_**Babe,**_

_**Hope you slept well, I locked your door and set the motion detectors in the living room and then I climbed out down your fire escape – well that's the plan. I'm going to send Hector over later to put something in place to make sure no one can come in via the fire escape, but you can still get out if there's a fire.**_

_**Thanks for the present, and thanks for the great evening.**_

_**Love R**_

Love R? Love? Ok deep breath Stephanie, he's told you he loves you before. It's fine. It's nice – it's friendly. It doesn't necessarily mean anything, just like his goodnight kisses.

Only the kisses didn't feel friendly…they felt sexy.

I mental head thunked as I remembered telling Ranger that he made my life colour.

I'm such a dope.

I showered and got dressed in jeans, a white stretchy top and a new black leather jacket. The jacket was fun, and it covered a gun if I had one in my waistband…ok, so that didn't happen much, but right now with the severed hand guy around, carrying concealed seemed to be the way to go.

I triple checked the safety on my Smith and Wesson .38 special and shoved it in the back of my jeans. I had my mini defence spray in one pocket, and cuffs in another. My cell was in my jacket, and I was ready to go kick Fta butt.

Or politely remind them that they missed their court date, whichever works.

I grabbed the keypad and was ready to go. I opened the door and froze.

There was a package on the floor by my door, with 'to my dearest Stephanie' written on it.

I opened it with gloved fingers and looked inside.

Shit.

Once again I phoned Ranger…and once again his cell was off. I phoned Ella and was informed that Ranger was in the conference room in Haywood. I thanked her and grabbed the box, practically running out of my apartment.

I drove to Haywood, my mind blank, then I ran up the stairs to the conference room. I knocked once and let myself in.

Ranger was at the front of the room, clearly giving a lecture or something but he stopped the instant I ran in. I was barely aware of anyone else in the room.

'Babe?'

I held out the present and he swore softly.

'Where?'

'In the hall, but the keypad was still green.'

He pulled on gloves and opened the box. He made as if to lift the contents out of the box and I squinched my eyes shut.

'Did you look inside?' asked Ranger.

'Yeah, but I just saw blood and I put the lid back on again.'

'Ok.' Ranger said, 'I put the lid back on, you can open your eyes.'

I opened them reluctantly and Ranger snapped off his gloves. 'What was it?' I asked.

'Have you eaten breakfast this morning?'

I swallowed, hard. 'that bad?'

'That bad.'

I squared my shoulders and fixed my eyes on his, 'Tell me.'

'It's human skin.'

'Human skin.' I said faintly. 'Someone was skinned? Were they dead?'

Ranger paused and I saw the hesitation.

'Skinned alive? Shit. I'm either gunna throw up or I'm going to faint. I can't decide which way to go.'

Ranger quickly guided me to his chair: gently pushing me down and easing my head between my legs, 'deep breaths. Push against my hand Babe.'

'Ok.' I said after a minute. 'I'm all better now.'

Ranger's jaw tightened, 'I wish I could believe that.'

'No, really, I'm fine. I've been sent a finger, a foot, and a penis before. Not to mention the thing with Louie D's heart. What's a pair of hands and some skin?'

Ranger opened his mouth and them paused, 'a penis?' he said finally.

'I didn't spread that one around.'

'I can understand that. Was it Mancuso?'

'Yeah. He liked chopping things off dead people.' I thought about that for a second, 'I didn't like him.'

'Was that the time you burnt down the funeral home?' Lester asked.

'It wasn't my fault.' I protested, turning to him.

Lester, Tank and Cal were at the desk, as were two other men.

'Hey, they look like you.' I said to Ranger.

'My father and my cousin.' Ranger said.

'Your father?' I said, shocked, 'no way could he be that old! Wait, how old are you?' I asked Ranger, 'Twelve?'

Ranger smiled slightly, 'I'm thirty three Babe.'

'Wait.' I said to Lester, 'did Ranger just volunteer personal information about himself?'

'It's the first sign of the apocalypse.' Said Lester, deadpan. 'We're all doomed.'

'Wiseass.' Said Ranger.

'That's what my hat says,' said Lester, grinning and pointing to his new hat.

Ranger's father looked amused at the exchange, 'Gracias Querida for your compliment, but I am near my sixtyth year.'

'Are you sure?' I said doubtfully; he could easily pass for his early forties.

His smile widened, 'quite sure, Querida.'

'Huh.' I turned back to Ranger, 'are you going to age that well?'

'You'll have to hang around and see.' He replied. Ranger took a deep breath, 'Babe, you're doing denial again. Putting my father's age aside for a moment, we need to discuss the contents of the box.'

'I'm not doing denial,' I protested, 'I'm doing avoidance.' I explained.

'Semantics, Babe.' Ranger said, 'in this context, they mean the same thing.'

'Well listen to you Mr Wall Street.' I muttered.

'Babe. The box.'

'What do you want me to say? It's gross.'

'I want you to say you'll let me put you in a safe house.'

'No.' I said instantly.

'Why not? Please, explain to me why not.'

I thought about it, trying to put my feelings into words. Safe houses were hiding; letting the baddies win. Safe houses meant restriction and routine.

'Safe houses are black and white.' I said finally to Ranger.

He froze. 'Shit.' He swore. He rubbed a hand across his eyes; if he tried to put me in a safe house now, then he knew he was condemning me to what I hated, just like Morelli.

'Fine.' He said eventually, 'no safe house. But I want to put my men on you, and not just following from a distance this time, I want them body guarding you; one to one, by your side.'

'Ranger, that's not necessary. Really. The weirdo is just leaving me icky presents, he hasn't threatened me directly – no notes or phone calls.'

'You don't call leaving you bits of people threatening you?'

'Well…'

My cell rang and I seized on the opportunity for a diversion, 'Hello?' I answered.

'Did you like it?' Said a man's voice I didn't recognise.

'What?'

'I spent hours getting it.' He continued.

'Um…'

'You should have heard her scream, Stephanie; it was beautiful - but not as beautiful as your screams will be. I can hardly wait, I've already planned what I'm going to do; I'm going to fuck you until you bleed and then I'm going to hang you up by your beautiful hands and whip your skin from your back. It won't be long now.'

Disconnect.

The phone slid out of my hand, my knees went weak, and I got tunnel vision…

'Ranger.' I heard myself saying distantly.

Then I fainted.


	10. Interruptions

_You had a longer chapter earlier, so this one's just a short one! Let me know what you think, WARNING: Light smut_ _- Heather _

**The phone slid out of my hand, my knees went weak, and I got tunnel vision…**

**'Ranger.' I heard myself saying distantly.**

**Then I fainted.**

Chapter 10

'Babe?' said Ranger. 'Babe?'

My eyes fluttered open to meet Ranger's concerned gaze, 'Yo.' I said. 'Why am I on the floor?'

Ranger was on his knees next to me.

'You fainted.' He replied in a level voice.

Because Ranger was fully clothed, I could deduce that I probably hadn't fainted due to the doomsday orgasm.

Oh yeah.

The phone call.

I sighed, 'You know when I said I hadn't been threatened directly?'

'Yeah.' Ranger said.

'Scratch that.' I said

I sat up slowly. 'Probably I fainted because I have low blood sugar levels, probably you should feed me donuts or ice cream.'

Tank got up and left.

I hope he's fetching sugar.

'What happened?' Ranger asked, his arms wrapping around me.

'The shorthand version is that the psycho called to say hi.'

'And the longhand version?'

'I need ice cream for that version.' I said.

Tank re-entered the room, carrying a tub of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food and a spoon. He handed them both to me; I tugged the lid off and started eating the remaining half of the ice cream. It looked like Tank had given me his own ice cream, for some reason that touched me more than him running our to buy more.

He'd shared his _own_ ice cream.

Ice cream is holy; it's a big deal.

I paused before scarfing the remainder of the ice cream; I didn't want to finish all of Tank's ice cream.

'Eat it Steph.' Said Tank softly.

I flashed him a grateful smile and ate the rest. Then I leaned back into Ranger's arms, 'Ben and Jerry should be canonised.' I stated.

Tank nodded agreement.

'I'm not sure you can make someone a Saint for making ice cream Babe.' Ranger asserted.

'He doesn't understand.' Said Tank.

'His body's a temple.' Pointed out Lester, 'Ranger eating ice cream is the second sign of the apocalypse.'

That dragged a smile out of me, but it faded as I realised I still had to tell them about the conversation.

I took a deep breath.

And another.

Procrastination?

Me?

Never.

I decided to say it all in one go, and then maybe it wouldn't seem so bad; 'He said he's going to make me scream and rape me until I bleed and tie me up by my hands and whip the skin off my back.' I paused, 'Basically.'

Tank's face darkened, as did Lester's, and Ranger's arms were so tight around me that I was finding it hard to breathe.

'Ranger.' I squeaked, 'air.'

'Sorry.' He said, easing up his grip on me, but not letting me go. 'You have either Lester, Tank, Hector or myself by your side at all times.'

'What about when I have a bath?'

'I'll guard you.' Ranger said with a predatory glint in his eye.

I felt myself blush.

'No way man,' said Lester, 'You'd get distracted. Hector's gay, he can have bath duty.'

Ranger nodded shortly.

'My life is shit.' I said sighing again, 'I have psycho's after me and I have to have bodyguards and I have a tendency to destroy cars and my ex-husband cheated on me and my ex-boyfriend cheated on me. I'm such a fuck up.'

'Don't EVER let me hear you say that about yourself again.' Said Ranger firmly, almost angrily.

'Um…' I said, 'Ok.'

A thought suddenly occurred to me, 'Ohmigod.' I gasped, twisting around to face Ranger, 'am I bad in bed?'

Ranger blinked, and then his sexy wolf smile spread across his face, 'No Babe,' he said his voice low and husky, 'you were amazing.'

'Do you promise?' I said, still worried.

He pulled my body against his, so I could feel every line of his hard muscles and his hard…

'Oh.' I said, blushing.

'Oh.' he agreed, amused.

'Ok.' I said, a little breathless, 'good.'

'It was more than good,' Ranger breathed into my ear, and he leaned down and pressed his lips firmly against mine. Before I could open my mouth, he withdrew.

He raised his mouth to my ear, and he whispered softly, 'I would kiss you until you're wet Babe, but I don't want to take advantage of you when you're upset.'

'You don't need to kiss me to make me wet.' I whispered back, 'sometimes you just look at me and…'

Ranger's eyes darkened to black, and he kissed me fiercely, his tongue invading my mouth with firm strokes that sent waves of pleasure to my core.

And you know what the best part was?

There was no guilt: none, nada, zilch.

I pressed on his shoulders, and he let me push him to the floor. My hips were straddling him and I could feel his hard length pushed into me.

Another thought occurred to me; I had his boxers…he was going commando.

I moaned involuntarily.

'And that,' Lester said, thoroughly amused, 'is why you're not doing bath duty.'

There was a rapid knock on the door, but before Ranger and I could pull apart, I heard the noise of the door opening.

'Well,' said a familiar voice, 'isn't this cosy? Glad to see I didn't break your heart for long Cupcake.'


	11. The Quiz

_And some more, because I'm feeling generous! Please let me know what you think! – Heather x_

**There was a rapid knock on the door, but before Ranger and I could pull apart, I heard the noise of the door opening.**

**'Well,' said a familiar voice, 'isn't this cosy? Glad to see I didn't break your heart for long Cupcake.'**

Chapter 11

I met Ranger's eyes, 'It's not supposed to be this way.' I whispered, 'we're supposed to be naked, having hot sweaty sex on the dining room table when he walks in on us.'

Ranger grinned, 'I'll try and do better next time.' He promised.

'I didn't say it wasn't good this way too.' I said, smiling cheekily.

'Only good?' he protested. Then he leaned up and gave me a bone-melting kiss that emptied my mind of all thoughts except, 'yum.' Eventually he drew back and met my eyes. His wolf grin drew across his face as he saw the state I was in. What this man can do to me.

'Cupcake!' Joe said from behind me.

'I told you not to call me that anymore.' I said in a flat voice, my high from kissing Ranger rapidly disappearing, dammit.

With an irritated sigh I got up. Ranger did a neat little back flip thing and got to his feet, 'Show off.' I murmured to him. He laughed softly and wrapped his arms possessively around me, my back to his front.

'What the fuck?' said Morelli. 'How long has this shit been going on for? You been fucking him the whole time? You're nothing but a goddamn whore!' Ranger stepped away from me, his hand clenched in a fist.

'Easy tiger.' I said to him, gently tugging on his arm, pulling him back to me. The captain had entered behind Joe, and although he liked me, I'm not sure he'd stand by and watch one of his officers get beaten up.

'What's this? A present from your beau?' Joe started towards the box on the conference table. Before I could protest the lid was up and he was staring at the mass of skin and dried blood. 'Shit.' He swore. 'Another psycho already? Jesus, Steph, you're such a fuck up.'

Ranger glanced down at me, and I could see that he connected my earlier conviction that I'm a fuck up and Joe telling me I'm a fuck up. His jaw clenched and his eyes were furious.

'Babe.' Ranger said in a perfectly level voice, 'go on up to the seventh floor please. Captain, would you escort her up there, as she has another psycho after her?' Ranger handed me his car keys with the clicking thing for the lift.

'Of course.' Said the captain.

He and I exited, but I didn't shut the door completely. I turned to the captain with a raised eyebrow, he nodded and we stepped closer to eavesdrop on the conversation neither of us were supposed to hear. We're from the Burg after all.

'A whore?' Ranger's tightly controlled voice said. 'Do you really believe that?'

'You've slept with her.' Joe yelled angrily, 'I believe that!'

'You were on a break.' Ranger said. 'She would never cheat on you. Cheating is the one thing she will never stand for, and if you don't know that then you don't know her at all.'

'You think you know her?' Joe sneered, 'you don't know shit. What's her favourite holiday? What's her favourite movie? What's her favourite band?'

'Halloween, Ghostbusters, and she doesn't have one.'

I would've given a lot to see Joe's face.

'What's her second favourite movie?' Ranger asked Joe, going on the attack.

'What? I don't know! Who cares about the _second_ favourite?'

'She does.' Ranger said. 'It's The Wizard of Oz. What does she eat when she needs real comfort food?' Ranger continued persistently.

'Donuts.' Morelli answered in a well-duh voice.

Nuh uh, wrong answer Joe.

'Macaroni cheese.' Ranger corrected. 'What's her favourite book?' He asked.

'She doesn't read books.'

'The Karma Sutra,' Ranger stated. 'She says if she's reading books, she might as well learn something useful.'

I'd told him that during our night together – after he expressed surprise at my repertoire of positions.

I bit my lip to stop myself laughing, I didn't really use Karma Sutra with Joe; mostly we did it missionary…or if he was feeling really kinky maybe we'd do it doggy style.

Don't get me wrong, the sex wasn't bad, it just wasn't any way near Ranger level. I was getting flushed just thinking about Ranger level.

'Why does Stephanie love room service?'

'Because she doesn't have to cook?'

'Because room service provides all the things her mother does, but without the guilt.'

'Birthday cake or sheet cake?'

'Birthday cake.'

'Sheet cake.' Ranger corrected. 'She loves birthday cake, but you get birthday cake at least once a year - her mother only makes sheet cake for really special occasions like weddings.'

This is fun.

'What's her favourite page in magazines?' Ranger asked.

Joe hesitated before answering, 'the shoes page?'

'The embarrassing moments page. She says it makes her feel better.'

It's true: although, the vast majority of my embarrassing moments completely outweigh those in the magazines.

'What excuse does she use to the cops when she smashes a window doing a little B&E?' continued Ranger relentlessly.

The captain looked at me reproachfully, I shrugged and gave what I hoped was an innocent smile.

'That's a trick question.' Joe protested, 'she doesn't do B&E!'

Ranger burst into laughter, 'sure, Joe.' He said in a patronising voice, 'of course she doesn't.'

'Jesus. I mean I know sometimes she's a little unorthodox, but actually breaking the law?'

'She says it was a boy with a baseball bat, or better yet, there was no boy, and the window was already broken when she got there.'

Ranger knows me far too well.

'Where is Steph now?' Ranger asked Joe.

'On the seventh floor.'

'No.' Ranger contradicted, 'she's outside the door, eavesdropping,' he paused, 'aren't you Babe?'

I exchanged rueful glances with the Captain, and we walked back inside.

'Oops.' I said to Ranger.

'Your bad.' Ranger replied.

I laughed, 'yeah.' I walked over to Ranger and put my arms round his neck, 'I name thee, Ricardo Carlos Manoso, winner of the Stephanie Plum Quiz.'

'What prize do I get?' He asked, smiling.

'A kiss.' I replied, then in a lower voice I said, 'seeing as how you already have my panties.' Then I stood on tiptoes and kissed the living daylights out of him.

When we pulled back, Joe was gaping. 'You said you were friends!'

'We _are_ friends,' Ranger answered for me, 'but we're not _just_ friends.'

'This is ridiculous! I'm the one for you, not him!' Joe protested, 'you think Rambo's going to take you out on dates?'

'You didn't take me out on dates!'

'Babe?' said Ranger.

'Yo?'

'Wanna go out to dinner with me?'

I smiled, 'like a date?'

'Like a date.' Ranger agreed.

'I'd love to.' I said happily.

I turned to Joe, suddenly weary of him, 'you're not the one for me Joe, maybe you never were, but sleeping with the skank was the last straw. We're done, Joe.'

And looking at the shock, hurt and confusion on his face, I think I just got my payback.

I felt my fury at him dissipate. He wasn't what I wanted any more. But I was beginning to get an idea about what I did want.

And it rhymed with manger.


	12. Box sets and manicures

_More - because some of you have already memorised the last chapter...Let me know what you think– Heather x_

**I turned to Joe, suddenly weary of him, 'you're not the one for me Joe, maybe you never were, but sleeping with the skank was the last straw. We're done, Joe.'**

**And looking at the shock, hurt and confusion on his face, I think I just got my payback.**

**I felt my fury at him dissipate. He wasn't what I wanted any more. But I was beginning to get an idea about what I did want.**

**And it rhymed with manger.**

Chapter 12

Joe shook his head, 'I can't do this,' he said to his captain, 'I can't work on this case with him,' he said, gesturing to Ranger. 'We've got too much personal shit going on for us to work constructively together.'

The captain nodded, 'understandable. You take over the Marcosi case, Jared Firoli can take over from you.'

Joe turned to me, 'I'm sorry.' He said, then he walked out.

'You've worked with Firoli before?' the captain asked Ranger.

Ranger nodded once, and the captain met his eyes for a moment then nodded, 'Stephanie?'

'Yes captain?'

'No B&E on my watch.'

'Ranger was just teasing Joe, I would never break the law.' I said, fluttering my eyelashes innocently.

'Of course you wouldn't.' The captain smiled ruefully, 'The papers weren't too far off when they called you the Bombshell Bounty Hunter, or the Bounty Hunter from Hell.'

'Hey!' I objected.

The captain grinned and left.

Ranger tucked an errant curl behind my ear, 'Ok Babe?'

I thought about it - really thought about it, 'yeah, I'm ok. But you know what?'

'What?'

'I'd flunk out on the Ricardo Carlos Manoso Quiz; you need to cut the mystery bullshit now.'

Ranger threw his head back and laughed. 'Ok Babe, I'll try.' He promised.

Ranger glanced at the box on the table and his smile faded. 'Can you step out of denial land for a minute so we can talk about the presents you're receiving?'

I nodded reluctantly, 'yeah.'

Ranger sat in his chair and pulled me onto his lap.

'Tank.' Ranger said.

Tank got up and moved to the front of the room, 'We've talked to all of Steph's neighbours and no one saw anyone, or anything, unusual in the vicinity of the building. The lab has been unable to get an ID from the hands; we don't have any DNA matches, and the fingerprints were removed from the fingers.'

'Wait a sec.' I said, 'the fingerprints were removed from the fingers? Explain.'

Tank shrugged, 'the prints were burnt off the pad of the fingertips with a high concentration of hydrochloric acid.'

'Ok,' I said, swallowing the sudden bile in my throat, 'sorry I asked.'

Tank continued, 'as we have been unable to identify the victim, it makes it harder for us to identify the perpetrator.'

'Why?' I asked.

'Normally you look into the victim; their physical characteristics, the area they lived, their hobbies – something will have drawn the perp to them. If we find that thing, it makes us easier to find the perp.' Tank explained.

'What if it was a random attack?'

'Even random attacks can give us information. For example, if they just attacked someone walking home, then it means the perp passed through that area. From that, we can draw a radius on a map about the possible distance the perp would have travelled and so we can draw conclusions about the likely areas of the perps residence.'

'Huh. Cool.'

Tank smiled at me, 'unfortunately, we've got ourselves a Jane Doe, which makes it much harder for us. I don't doubt that the human skin will match the hand's DNA, but that still doesn't really help us - unless the perp got careless and left a print or two for us to run.'

'Babe,' said Ranger, 'I know this might be gross, but do you think you could look at the hands? You might see something we don't, or you might even recognise them.'

I sighed and nodded.

Tank put the new box into the dumb waiter and sent it down, he used the intercom to request the other box get sent up.

A minute later I was staring at the victim's hands, they were, as Tank said, definitely Jane Doe's, not John Doe's. The bones were finer and besides, she had an excellent French manicure.

Hang on…

I looked at my hands, then at the victims, then at mine, then at the victims.

'Huh.' I said.

'What?' asked Ranger.

'She has the same manicure as me. It's a French manicure, but it's a bit different to a normal French manicure. You see a normal French manicure has a base of clear nail polish and then…'

I looked at the men's glazed expressions, 'never mind. Just take my word for it; she got her manicure done at Suzy's Treat in the Mall, by a manicurist called Lolita. She's the best, she makes her own base coat which…never mind. But the victim definitely got her nails done by Lolita. Lolita is very nice, and quite organised; I'm pretty sure she keeps a record of all her clients.'

The men were staring at me, 'will that help?' I asked.

'Babe.' Ranger said, shaking his head fractionally in disbelief.

'What?'

'You just got us our first lead.'

'Did I do good?' I asked Ranger.

Ranger's eyes darkened, 'yeah, real good.' He said firmly, and then he kissed me lightly on the lips.

I smiled.

Tank removed the box and sent it back down to the labs via the dumb waiter.

'I'll check out Suzy's Treat.' Tank volunteered.

Ranger nodded. 'Good.'

'I'm on stakeout duty with Cal.' Lester grimaced, not looking excited at the prospect of spending several hours with Rangeman's own Steriodasaurus.

I started to move off Ranger's lap, 'where are you going?' Ranger asked.

'To catch myself a nasty fugitive?'

'Nuh uh.'

'Nuh uh?'

'Nuh uh. You're coming up to the seventh floor with my father and my cousin.'

'Are you ordering me, or asking?'

'Um…asking. Definitely asking.'

'Good move – I don't react well to orders.'

'I've noticed.' He said, smiling. 'Please Babe, will you come up to the seventh floor with me?'

'Seeing as how you asked so nicely; sure.'

We got up and headed to the lift. Ranger and I assumed our normal position: I leaned back into his arms, which were wrapped around my waist.

I met Ranger's gaze in the mirror of the lift. I smiled at the couple we made: everything about us was a contrast; my slender frame accentuated his muscles, my blue eyes drew attention to his dark gaze, my pale skin looked milky against his delicious mocha skin, and my curly hair looked wild compared to his straight silken hair.

We looked stunning together; we looked hot.

Ranger's lips turned up in a slow smile, 'damn straight.' He said.

'Stupid Esp.' I mock pouted.

I felt his silent laughter vibrate through me, and my pout faded into a smile.

The lift stopped and we all hopped out. Ranger and I sat together on one couch and his father and his cousin sat on the other.

'Oh hello dear,' said Ella to me.

'Hey Ella.'

'How are you, Stephanie?'

'Fine thank you, and you?'

'Wonderful, thank you.' she replied in a bubbly voice, 'Is there anything you want, dear?'

'Oh,' I said surprised, 'no, I have everything I need,' I said, involuntarily glancing at Ranger.

Ranger smiled at that, and kissed me lightly on my hair.

'Oh!' said Ella, her smile broadening. 'I've cleaned the bedroom and the bathroom Ranger, and I put your special delivery on the side there.'

'Thanks Ella.' Ranger said.

'What special delivery?' I asked.

'You're the most curious person I know.' Ranger muttered, amused.

I ignored that, 'Is it a gun? Or a Batman gizmo? Or is it more mundane like…a clock?'

'Some movies.' Ranger shrugged.

'Which ones?' I persisted.

Ranger reached behind me and snagged the bag behind me, 'here Babe, snoop to your heart's content.'

I rifled through the bag: 'The Fast and The Furious', 'Minority Report', 'The Lord of the rings Trilogy', 'The Ring', 'The Wizard of Oz', 'Ghostbusters', and the complete box sets of Batman and the adventures of Wonder Woman!

'OMG!' I yelled, eyes wide.

I'd complained to Ranger, about a month prior to the Slayers mess, that I couldn't find the adventures of Wonder Woman anywhere.

'Sorry it took me a while to find them.' Ranger said, 'But take it as thanks for my thanks present.'

'You're the best!' I squealed, throwing my arms around him.

Ranger shook his head slightly, 'not quite, Babe.'

I met his eyes, 'You are to me.' I said simply.


	13. Baths and showers

_A very long chapter, because I'm so nice... and also I couldn't find a good stopping place g> Hope you enjoy, let me know what you think! WARNING: SMUT - Heather x_

**'You're the best!' I squealed, throwing my arms around him.**

**Ranger shook his head slightly, 'not quite, Babe.'**

**I met his eyes, 'You are to me.' I said simply.**

Chapter 13

Ranger's cousin and his father were watching us with smiles on their faces; I guess those two hundred watt smiles are a Manoso specialty.

'Ranger?' I said.

'Yo?'

'Introductions?'

'Oh, sorry. Babe, this is my father, Carlos Manoso, and my cousin, Federico Manoso. Papa, Ricky, this is Stephanie Plum.'

'Nice to meet you Miss Plum.' Carlos and Ricky said simultaneously.

'It's a pleasure.' I replied, latent Burg manners kicking in.

Carlos's smile widened, 'The last time I saw Ranger rolling around the floor with a girl was when he was fifteen.'

Ricky snorted, 'yeah, after that he started rolling around at _their_ houses.'

'Either it's my imagination,' I said, 'or you're blushing Ranger.'

'Imagination.' He said shortly.

I smiled, 'I'm sure.' My smile faded slightly, 'I know I interrupted earlier, if you want to carry on talking about whatever then I can go into another room or something.'

'Not necessary.' Ranger said. 'My brother is a lawyer, he's working a murder case: he's defending the accused. The guy's girlfriend was killed and he swears he didn't do it. He's given a description of the guy he thinks did it. My father, my uncle and my cousin run a private investigating firm together. Papa and Ricky are following up a lead down here, My uncle, Ricardo, and some others are following up some leads in Miami. Rangeman has been contracted to help the search.'

'That's the most I've ever heard you say!' I said, awed.

'It was a one off.' Ranger responded, lips twitching.

'So I shouldn't get used to it, huh?'

'No.'

Ricky grinned, 'his taciturn nature isn't that surprising, the Manoso Clan is huge, honestly, it's usually hard to get a word in edgeways.'

'That's my excuse, and I'm sticking to it.' Ranger said.

I laughed and relaxed fully against Ranger again and he smiled, 'proud of you Babe.'

'For what?' I asked.

Ranger's hand snaked between us and he pulled my gun out of my waistband, 'You're carrying your gun.' He flicked open the chamber and his smile widened, 'and it's loaded.'

'I'm breaking the law, and you're proud of me?'

'Morally right, legally not-so-right.' He paused, 'how are you rationalising it?' he asked.

'I figure it's not exactly a breakage of the law; it's more like a fracture. And I'm working for the law, so the law should maybe let it slide. Besides for bad-ass bounty hunters like us, the law's more like guidelines rather than actual rules, right?'

I was getting two hundred watt grins from all three of them – 600 watts; I'm lucky I'm not electrocuted.

'Right.' Ranger agreed, I could feel his muscular chest vibrate with silent laughter, but his face was merely amused; looking at him you'd have no idea he was silently having hysterics.

'Huh. How often do you silently laugh around me?'

His smile widened, but he didn't answer.

I rolled my eyes, and he laughed out loud.

Ranger's cell rang and he answered it with a grimace and his customary 'Yo.' The conversation was predictably short.

'Gotta go.' Ranger said, 'my skip's at Joey's, if I don't get him today, Vinnie forfeits the bond. Hector's going to be on bodyguard duty.'

'Ok, not that I'm complaining or anything; but doesn't Hector just do alarms and security systems rather than the being in the wind stuff?'

'Hector can be in the wind too. He's multitalented.'

'That's cool.' I grinned suddenly, 'do you know who I think of every time you say 'be in the wind'?'

'No, who?'

'Mary Poppins; she used to be in the wind too. With her umbrella.' I paused thoughtfully, 'I wish I had an umbrella like that.'

Ricky cracked up, and Carlos looked like he was almost giving himself a hernia trying not to laugh.

Ranger looked at me for a long minute, 'I can't say that ever again now.'

'I'm sure you'll think up something suitably tough to say instead.'

It was Ranger's turn to pause thoughtfully, 'How about 'I'll be gone like smoke'?'

'That could work,' I agreed, smiling.

'No weird connotations?'

'Nope. Not yet, but give me time.'

Ranger gave me a quick kiss on the forehead and was gone like smoke.

Yup, it worked.

Thankfully, Hector appeared soon after, preventing me from interrogating Ranger's relatives. I wanted to know about Ranger, but I wanted to hear it from Ranger, not his family. But, like Christ, I was tempted.

I figured that comparing myself to Christ was a bit disrespectful, not to mention inaccurate. So I mentally genuflected to God and begged his forgiveness for my momentary irreverence. I wasn't struck down; so I guess all was forgiven.

Hector and I excused ourselves and then we were off to haul criminals back to the pokey. At least that was the plan. But I think I've already mentioned that plans don't tend to go so well around me.

Which is why I'm covered in flour. And because Murphy hates me, Hector doesn't have one speck of flour on him.

I'm jealous.

Hector and I got on surprisingly well, and the conversation flowed between us. At some point during our day we started teaching each other; I absent-mindedly corrected his grammar whilst he taught me little Spanish phrases.

Hola, que tal? Bien, y tu? Muy bien, gracias Senor.

That translated as; Hello, how are you? Good, and you? Very good, thank you Sir.

Cool, huh?

It was nearly 9pm when we decided to call it a day and head back to my apartment. I unlocked the door and Hector re-locked it after him.

'Was Ranger serious?' I asked.

'About what?'

'Bath duty.'

Hector smirked, 'Yes.'

I looked down at myself, covered in flour, and I sighed. I really needed that bath. I ran the bath and peeled out of my dirty clothes, putting them in a plastic bag. I eased into the hot bath.

Even though I knew Hector was gay, I still found it…unsettling to have a man - who I didn't even know very well - watch me bathe.

I spent the first five minutes doing nothing but blushing. Eventually I just took a deep breath and told myself to get on with it. Hector put the toilet cover down and sat - watching interestedly as I shaved my legs.

'If you weren't gay this would be even more awkward.' I commented.

Hector regarded me quizzically, 'who said I was gay?'

My heart stopped. 'Ranger and Lester – you are gay, right?'

'I'm bisexual.'

'WHAT?' I thrashed around in the bath, trying to cover myself up, I flung an arm across my breasts and my other hand covered between my legs.

Talk about locking the gate after the horse has bolted.

Hector burst into laughter, he fell off the toilet he'd been precariously perched on, and collapsed on the floor, laughing.

'Joking.' He gasped, 'I'm gay.'

I'm furious.

I picked up the wet face cloth and threw it into his face, and then I splashed him - a lot. By the time I was done he looked rather bedraggled. And a teensy bit annoyed.

Oops. Remember the teardrop Stephanie? He has a _gang kill_. Be nice to the gang killer. Although, if Sally Sweet tattooed on his deserved teardrops he'd look like he was crying hysterically, and I wasn't scared of Sally, so…

I met Hectors annoyed gaze full on, he held my eyes for half a minute and I began to feel nervous, but then a huge smile crossed his face and he nodded approval.

'Good bone in your back.' He said.

'Good backbone.' I corrected.

Hector grinned, 'yes,' he nodded, 'spunky.'

'Gracias, now can I get out of the bath? I'm going pruney.' I held out my hand so he could see.

I got out and got dressed in my jammies; today it was tiny cotton hot pants and a strap top. What? It's comfy.

So what if Ranger might drop by? That didn't affect my choice of jammies, nuh uh.

I plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV, Hector had ordered Pizza whilst I was getting dressed, and it arrived half way through 'CSI: NY'. We ate companionably, though we both put our pizza aside for a few minutes whilst the CSI team pulled a man's half mangled body out of a burger making machine – that kinda thing makes you lose your appetite a little.

I went to the bathroom and picked up my moisturiser and carried it back to the couch. I popped the cap and poured some lotion into my hand. I started to rub it into my right calf. I froze when the locks started to tumble open, and Hector drew his gun.

It was Ranger.

Hector put his gun away again.

Ranger walked over to us and raised an eyebrow at Hector's dishevelled state.

'There was incident in bathroom.' Hector explained, grinning at me.

'There was _an_ incident in _the_ bathroom.' I corrected, feeling snooty.

Hector grinned and nodded graciously, 'Si.'

'I'm on bodyguard duty.' Said Ranger.

'Si.' Nodded Hector. He got up and ruffled my hair, 'adios guapa.'

'What?' I asked.

'Goodbye beautiful.' Ranger translated softly.

'Oh. Gracias Hector. Adios.'

Hector winked at me and let himself out.

'The bath incident?' Ranger asked.

'He told me he was bisexual…when I was in the bath. I splashed him.' I shrugged, like it was a normal everyday occurrence.

Ranger grinned, 'you only splashed him?'

'He does have the teardrop.' I pointed out.

Ranger's grin widened, 'true.'

CSI ended and we settled in to watch Law and Order. Half way through Law and Order, I remembered that I needed to finish moisturising my legs. I put my foot up on my new coffee table and started to work the cream into my left calf. Then I did my thighs, and then I moisturised my hands. I put the cap back on the bottle and put it down.

Ranger was looking at me with dark black eyes.

'What?'

'Babe.' He said hoarsely. Then he reached out and trailed a hand lightly down my soft smooth leg. He swallowed hard.

He took a deep steadying breath, 'we should go to bed Babe.'

I knew he meant it platonically – he's on guard duty after all. But I couldn't resist teasing him, 'Don't you think that's a bit forward?' I said, eyelashes fluttering.

'No.' Ranger replied, 'but this is,' and his hand curled around my neck, pulling me to him. His firm lips pressed against mine, and my lips willingly, and almost automatically, parted. His hot tongue slid into my mouth, stroking firmly against mine. His tongue explored me, running along the edge of my teeth and the roof of my mouth before returning its attention back to my tongue. He teased my tongue softly now, and I felt a spurt of wetness between my legs. His tongue retreated, drawing me into his mouth. It was my turn to explore.

I was straddling him, and I could feel Ranger's enjoyment of our kiss. I ground my hips against him and he groaned into my mouth. His hands caressed my thighs, stroking up and down. One of his hands stroked between my legs and we both moaned: me, because of his touch, and him, because of the dampness of my hot pants.

Ranger's cell rang shrilly, and in that moment, I really hated technology.

Ranger pulled away from me, and his hand between my legs stilled.

'Yo.' He said, still sounding out of breath. Ranger swore, then muttered, 'fine.' Followed by, 'Fuck you.' Then he hung up.

I raised an eyebrow.

'It was Tank.'

'And?'

'He was just driving by.'

'And?'

'And he has binoculars with him.'

I glanced towards my window; the curtains were open, 'oh.'

'Yeah. He's coming up here to bodyguard whilst I take a very, very cold shower.'

Uh oh, Tank was going to come up here. Suddenly I wished I was wearing a bra with my strap top, my nipples were firmly standing to attention, and Tank would see.

'Yeah.' Said Ranger huskily, 'but I got to see too.'

I blushed furiously, mentally cursing Esp, and Ranger laughed softly, 'Tank'll be here in fifty seconds, but in the meantime, he's not watching.' Ranger got up and closed the curtains, 'and nor is anyone else.' He turned to me, 'I'll behave myself later,' he promised, 'but for now…'

Ranger closed the distance between us; his hands slipped the thin straps of my top off my shoulders, pulling my top down enough to reveal my breasts.

'Babe.' He said appreciatively. Then he cupped my breasts in his hands, kneading them gently, and then he gave me a bone-melting kiss. He pulled back and lowered his head to my chest, drawing his wet tongue between my breasts and then around, until his hot mouth encircled my nipple and sucked. His hand was stroking my other breast, rolling my nipple expertly between his fingertips.

The locks started to tumble. Ranger swore, quickly putting my straps back and pulling my top back up. He pushed me onto the couch, and we sat there, chests heaving, trying to look normal. 'I'll dream of that later.' Ranger whispered into my ear, and I couldn't suppress a shiver of desire. Before I could reply, Tank was there.

'Out.' He said firmly to Ranger, pointing to the bathroom – much like you would with a dog that had misbehaved.

Ranger rose from the couch with liquid grace and made his way to the bathroom. I watched; my head tilted to the side. What? He has a great ass!

Tank was smiling at me.

'What?' I said, a tad defensively.

His smile widened, and his gaze slowly dragged down my body and then back again, and raised an eyebrow.

I felt my face heat up. He wasn't looking at me sexually, though there was some of that thrown in, but mostly he was looking amused. Very amused. I hugged a pillow to my chest, so my state wasn't quite so obvious. Tank smiled even more. I threw the pillow at his head.

He ducked.

Why does everyone apart from me duck?

Because I'm a dope, that's why.

Eventually Ranger returned, his wet hair was down, his shirt was off, and he looked _very _relaxed.

'Cold shower my ass.' I muttered aloud. Oops, I meant to keep that comment to myself.

Ranger smiled sexily, 'yeah, I went with the other option.'

I could picture it: the water streaming down his muscular mocha body, his wet hair framing his face, one hand supporting his weight on the shower wall as the other hand moved up and down on his…OMG!

I realized I was staring fixedly at Ranger's crotch. I jerked my eyes up; Ranger was grinning all two hundred watts. Tank shook his head, 'Out.' He said to me, pointing to the bathroom.

So I went into the shower too. Somehow the shower massager turned itself on, I don't know how these things happen, probably I should take it to a store to get it fixed. Uh huh.

I climbed out of the shower, my limbs feeling a bit shakier than before, but I felt a lot better. I got dressed in a different pair of hot pants and a top, and headed back out.

Ranger grinned when he looked at me, 'feeling better Babe? You look more…relaxed.'

'A good shower is very relaxing.' I informed the men blandly.

Tank shook his head again. 'You're a pair.' He said, gesturing to us. 'Now, can you keep your hands and tongues to yourselves, or do I need to chaperone?'

'We'll behave.' Ranger promised.

'Good. Lock up after me and set the motion detectors.'

Ranger nodded.

'Night Tank.' I said.

'Goodnight Steph, sleep well.' Tank kissed me lightly on my damp hair and then let himself out.

Ranger looked after him, 'you know you have all my men wrapped around your little finger, don't you?'

'Oh?' I smiled, 'and you think you're the exception to the rule?'

'No.' Ranger admitted, smiling ruefully, 'I think they're following my example.'

I laughed.

Ranger locked the door, 'Bedtime Babe.' He said, tugging my hand towards the bedroom. I got ready for bed, and then I handed Ranger his silk boxers – he had to wear something to bed, or I will not be held responsible for my actions. Ranger laughed as he took his boxers from me, and then he went into the bathroom to get ready.

I slid between my covers, feeling sleepy as the day caught up with me. Ranger set the keypad, and put his gun on the bedside table. He slipped into bed; he stroked my hair out of my face and leaned down, 'Goodnight Babe.' He whispered, kissing me softly.

'Goodnight Ranger.' I whispered back.

Ranger slung his arm across my waist and spooned me from behind. With his warmth at my back, and the sound of his steady breathing filling my ears, I was soon lulled to sleep.


	14. Bears, Ophelia and fainting

Sorry for the hiatus, had examinations and then was travelling around europe for five weeks!But I'm back now! – As always, please let me know what you think – Heather x

**'Goodnight Babe.' He whispered, kissing me softly.**

**'Goodnight Ranger.' I whispered back.**

**Ranger slung his arm across my waist and spooned me from behind. With his warmth at my back, and the sound of his steady breathing filling my ears, I was soon lulled to sleep.**

Chapter 14

I woke up with something poking into my back. I twisted round, and came face to face with Ranger and his desire darkened eyes.

'Morning.' He whispered huskily.

'Morning.' I replied. 'Did you sleep well?' I asked.

He moved his body into me, so I could feel his erection pushing into me.

'I had X-rated dreams.' He admitted.

'About me?'

Ranger smiled, 'yes Babe, about you.'

'Then it's ok. Maybe if you're really good, I'll re-enact your dreams one day for you. Would you like that?'

Ranger swallowed, 'Yes.' He breathed.

'Good.' I said, 'now go get me some coffee and a donut.'

Ranger burst out laughing.

See, that's the difference between men and women generally. Men wake up thinking about sex. Women wake up thinking about coffee.

Ranger eased out of the bed and disappeared. Ten minutes later he returned with some freshly brewed coffee and a fresh Boston cream.

I scarfed this down, and then raised an eyebrow in question. Ranger Esp'd, and answered my silent inquiry as to how he got the donut in his boxers. 'I sent Tank Babe.'

'Oh. Thanks.'

Ranger had a shower whilst I finished my coffee. Then I had a shower and got dressed for the day ahead.

Lester's riding bodyguard today, Ranger's working with his father and his cousin to find the supposed murderer. Tanks doing paperwork, much to his disgust – I think Ranger was giving him payback for the whole binocular/shower thing. Hector was updating the Rangeman security systems.

To tell the truth, I was pretty excited about having Lester on board, he may be a wiseass, but he's a _funny_ wiseass.

Three hours later I was revising my opinion. There is _nothing _funny about wiseass's, especially when they're Lester.

He's spent the last three hours teasing me about my car destructions. I accidentally mentioned I was in the newspapers over one or two of them, and now he's decided to call me 'Bombshell'. He finds it funny.

I wonder if he'll find my foot up his ass funny?

I was just contemplating how best to insert my foot, when my cell rang, saving Lester from certain anal pain.

'What?' I snapped into the phone.

Ranger laughed, 'Bet you wish you had me as your bodyguard instead of Lester.'

'Ranger, at this point I'd prefer to have an Ariel doll that sings, 'I wanna be where the people are' than this clown! Where did you find him? In a dumpster? Or a bad talent contest?'

'Hey!' Said Lester, 'it wasn't _that_ bad. I came second.'

I stared at Lester, trying to work out if he was serious.

'Huh.' I finally said.

I could feel Ranger smiling over the phone, 'Tell him to behave himself or I'll tell you the story about Sandra.'

'Lester, if you're not nice to me, Ranger will kick your sorry ass all the way to Timbuktu and then he will tell me all about Sandra.'

'Babe, I did not say I'd kick his ass all the way to Timbuktu.'

'I know, but you were thinking it, I was just saving you the trouble of having to verbalise the threat, that's all.'

'You're so considerate.' Ranger said dryly.

'Yup.' I agreed.

Lester was gaping at me, 'Timbuktu?' he said.

'At the very least.' I nodded, 'and if you really piss me off, Ranger will send you to the Antarctic with nothing but your boxers. And a Frisbee.'

'A Frisbee?' Lester asked, sounding dumfounded.

'I wouldn't want you to get bored. You could play with the polar bears. Maybe then they won't maul you to death.' I said hopefully.

'Babe.' Said Ranger, 'will you quit putting threats in my mouth?'

'Ok. You me to put my tongue there instead?'

I _cannot _believe I just said that – it just popped out!

Ranger burst out laughing again, 'sure.' He gasped, 'that's a deal.'

'Polar bears?' Lester was saying, looking worried. 'I don't like polar bears. Normal bears are brown and live in woods and stuff. Polar bears are like…the reject wood bears…'

It was my turn to laugh, 'reject wood bears?' I giggled.

'Reject…?' Ranger said, trailing off, 'I'm not even going to pretend to understand. This conversation is really confusing.'

That made me laugh even harder. 'Sorry.' I gasped. Eventually I regained my composure, 'so was there a reason you called?'

I felt the amusement drain out of Ranger, which is a pretty neat trick over the phone.

'Yeah.' He answered, sounding serious, 'can you come to Haywood?'

'I guess so, this stakeout's a bust anyway.'

I gestured to Lester and he cranked over the engine. I mouthed 'Haywood' to him, and he nodded, entering his zone.

'So why are we coming here?' I asked.

'Need to talk.' Ranger said.

'Uh huh. Informative.'

'Later Babe.'

Disconnect.

I really hate that, so I dialled back, 'Yo?' Ranger answered.

'Yo.' I said.

'Babe.'

'Later Ranger.'

And then _I _hung up.

He's right, it's much more fun this way.

We slid into our space in the underground lot and rode up to the conference room. Ranger and co. were there, looking at something on the table – looking sombre, worried.

It's not a good thing when tough-ass ex-special forces men look worried – except if you've just asked, 'does this dress make my ass look big?' In which case the worry is kinda fun.

But, seeing as how I doubt they're admiring a fashion mag, my stomach's feeling squishy.

'Ok.' I said, 'it's not good news; you haven't brought Disney land.'

Ranger smiled tightly at me, 'no, it wasn't available.'

'Damn,' I said, 'don't you hate that?'

Ranger's small smile faded, he sat down in his Big Boss chair and gestured for me to sit on his lap.

I acquiesced with his request, wanting to feel his arms around me; happy to pretend complying with his request was the only reason I was sitting on him.

Carlos started, 'The body of the girlfriend was badly mutilated.'

Uh oh, I have the feeling this is definitely _not_ going to move 'The Princess and The Pea' off my number one slot on my bedtime story list.

'It took days to ID the body.' Carlos continued, 'the police shared the crime scene photo's with us, but up until twenty minutes ago we hadn't had a picture of the girlfriend prior to the kidnapping.'

'We got this faxed to us.' Said Ricky, handing me the thing off the table they'd been looking at, which was a copy of a photo.

For a split second, I thought it was me.

Shit.

Sisters? Yes. Twins? Yes. I could use her for a mirror for shaving. Well, not quite…and I don't shave my face, but you get the idea. We looked a lot alike.

The more I stared, the more differences I found, she had slightly smaller eyes, and a more delicate nose. A slight smattering of light freckles across her nose, other than that, we could definitely pass as sisters.

I put the photo down and leant back into Ranger's arms.

'How did he kill her?' I asked, my voice holding steady.

No one spoke.

'I have a right to know.' I said firmly.

Nothing.

I was getting pissed, 'Tell me_ now_, or you'll all join Lester in the Antartic.'

'With a Frisbee and the polar bears.' Lester added.

Everyone else apart from Ranger looked slightly bemused.

I felt Ranger take a deep breath, 'She was beaten and flayed to death Babe.'

'Isn't flayed another word for 'whip'?' I asked.

Ranger didn't answer, but his arms tightened around me. I could hear the psycho's voice, '…I'm going to hang you up by your beautiful hands and whip your skin from your back.'

'Shit.' I said. I twisted round and buried my head in Ranger's shoulder, breathing in the scent of him, drawing strength from his warmth. One of his hands was gently stroking my hair, and his other hand was running soothingly up and down my back.

I drew in a deep breath and pulled back, 'anything else I should know?' I asked the room in general.

The room in general shuffled around, not meeting my eye.

'Spill it.' I commanded.

'You're like a pit bull with a bone.' Tank commented into the silence.

'So? Spill.'

Tank sighed, 'her name was Stephanie.'

'It's a good name.' I said inanely, brutally pushing my panic down. 'Not as good as Ophelia though. That's a beautiful name. Are you sure she wasn't called Ophelia? Sometimes, if you have a cold and you're talking on the phone, Ophelia sounds like Stephanie. Maybe it was one of those times, and her name's really Ophelia.'

I was babbling on and on, rushing down the dark roads of panic, trying not to freak, and not doing so well.

Ranger was stroking my back again.

Huh, guess he doesn't need a cat when he's got me, I'll be his pussy any day.

The room went deathly quiet, maybe it's because I'm not rambling on about Ophelia, or it could be…

'Did I say anything out loud besides the Ophelia shit?' I asked.

Ranger's lips were twitching involuntarily, and Lester was biting his lip, holding his breath, and Tank wouldn't meet my eye, but the grin on his face was still visible. I didn't want to look in Carlos' or Ricky's direction, so I didn't.

'Shit.' I said.

Lester couldn't hold it in anymore, he burst into laughter, bent double, clutching his stomach, 'Ranger doesn't need a cat,' he gasped out, 'you'll be his…' he didn't finish the sentence, he'd collapsed on the floor, barely taking in enough oxygen.

I sent Lester the death glare, it must have a delayed effect, because it took nearly five minutes for him to stop laughing.

Finally, when he'd recovered, Lester said; 'Come on Bombshell, we'd better get back to surveillance.'

'No.' I asserted.

'No?'

I'd seen it in Tank's eyes when he'd told me her name was Stephanie; 'There's more.'

Silence again.

'Spill it.' I repeated wearily.

Ranger sighed, 'Pit bull.' He muttered 'My Dad told you it took a while for her to be ID'd – he didn't say why exactly it took so long.'

'Why?' I whispered, not wanting to know.

Ranger hesitated, 'Because she was…missing some pieces.'

'Missing some pieces?' I asked faintly. 'Like…?'

'Like her hands, and her skin.'

I swallowed the bile rising in my throat. 'The presents.' I managed to say.

'We've sent them off to be compared…but Stephanie Orrato was one of the names on Lolita's list; she had a French manicure two weeks ago.'

'Good thing I'm sitting on your lap.' I said distantly.

'Oh?' Ranger said.

'It'll be much easier for you to catch me this time.' I muttered.

Then I fainted.

I blinked and slowly pushed myself upright. What happened? Oh yeah. Poor Ophelia…

'I fainted again.' I said to Ranger.

He nodded, not looking happy about it.

'Is it habit forming?' I asked.

'Is what habit forming?'

'Fainting.' I qualified.

Ranger looked at me for a long minute, 'I don't think so.' He finally replied.

'Good, because that'd be inconvenient, you know? Especially at a Macy's sale: imagine if I was in the queue and I fainted – they'd steal the shoes I was trying to buy while I was out cold!' I shook my head, visualising it. 'Vultures.' I muttered.

'Babe.' Ranger said, sounding disbelieving.

'What? You don't think they would? They would! And I bet if I was carrying a dress they'd steal that too.' I frowned, 'that makes me really mad – I liked that dress!'

'Babe…it was an imaginary dress.'

'That's not the point. It's the principle, you know?'

Ranger was looking at me blankly.

Guess he didn't know.

Huh.

When in doubt, change the subject. 'Wanna go to Pino's later?' I asked.

'How about Rossini's?' Ranger finally said.

'That's cool.' I said nodding, 'we could go there. They have great tiramisu.'

Ranger sighed, 'Babe.'


	15. Street, Italian, and cats

Sorry for the wait, please let me know what you think!

**When in doubt, change the subject. 'Wanna go to Pino's later?' I asked.**

'**How about Rossini's?' Ranger finally said.**

'**That's cool.' I said nodding, 'we could go there. They have great tiramisu.'**

**Ranger sighed, 'Babe.'**

Chapter 15

Lester went with me back to my apartment; I didn't really feel like skip tracing for some reason. He made a slight detour on the way; we pulled up at the seven/eleven and without a word he brought me a tub of Ben and Jerry's.

Lester may be a wiseass, but when push comes to shove, it turns out he's a good man to have by your side.

We entered my apartment, and Lester did a Charlie's Angel's style walk through – though I doubt he'd appreciate the comparison. Then he handed me a spoon. I slumped onto the couch and started eating. Lester flicked through my CDs until he found something acceptable.

Twenty minutes later, and Lester's ice cream had all gone to its rightful place: my tummy. Twenty minutes later, and The Game ft Fifty Cent 'This is how we do' was blaring out of my sound system, full volume, and Lester and I were dancing in my living room, shaking our asses, rapping at the top of our voices.

Well, Lester was rapping, I was doing a white girl's impression of rapping. I don't know what half these terms mean, I only found out that 'shorty' means 'girlfriend' a few weeks ago. Some say I'm slow on the uptake.

I prefer to think that I'm special.

Two hours later and Lester was explaining some of the terms to me. Three hours later and Lester was trying to teach me how to say 'Mother-Fucker' street style.

'Mutha fucka!' Lester said.

'Muther fucka!' I repeated.

'Muth_a_ fucka!' he said, trying not to laugh.

'Mutha fucka!' I tried.

He grinned, 'Jeez Steph, you're so white.'

'Sometimes I tan.' I said defensively.

Lester cracked up, 'that's not what I meant, beautiful.'

I rolled my eyes, 'whatever. Bet you can't do Italian like me.'

'Fine.' He said. 'Teach me.'

Two hours later, Lester could finally flip the bird to my satisfaction, as well as various other hand gestures, and he could cuss pretty well. Three hours later and we were joined by Hector. I was trying to teach them an essential Italian phrase.

'Forget bout it.' Lester said.

'No!' I rolled my eyes, 'You're doing it _street_, you need to do it _Italian_! Fuggedaboutit.'

'Foggedabout it.' Hector attempted.

'Not bad, but not quite; fuggedaboutit.'

'Forget boutit.' Lester said.

'Jeez Lester, you're so street.' I said, amused.

Lester grinned, 'fair play.' He conceded.

My cell rang, 'Yo.' I answered.

'That's my line.' Ranger replied.

'You're supposed to say 'yo yourself'.'

'I'll remember for next time.' He promised, sounding amused.

'Good, cos you know this shit aint cuttin' it.' I said, Lester style.

Ranger paused, 'Don't think I gonna let Lester be the guard o' ya sweet body if he be teachin you bout the street, shorty.'

Shorty? OMG! What does that mean? Quick, don't be silent too long, talk dammit, say something, anything!

'You're hot.'

Shit! Not that! Don't say that! Backtrack!

'Not that I just want you for your body cos that would be really superficial and I'm not really like that, though I do really love your body – I have your naked body burned into my brain…'

I could feel the amusement over the phone line.

'You don't want me _just_ for my body, huh? That means you want me.'

'I…uh…' What if he didn't want me?

'I want you.' Ranger whispered sexily.

'You can Esp over the phone?'

'I'm a talented man.' He said, his voice implying things other than Esp.

Ever had really vivid flashbacks? So strong, so detailed, that for a second you can feel, taste, smell, and hear everything about that moment. For a second I froze as memories flooded through my mind and my body.

'I know that.' I said huskily.

'You remember?' he asked, his voice deep.

'I remember.' I breathed, my heart thudding in my chest.

I heard a knock on the door and realised it was on Ranger's end of the phone. 'What?' he said, sounding irritated at the interruption. I heard someone talking but I couldn't quite make out what was being said.

'Babe?'

'Yeah?'

'I've got to go, I was just calling to say we have a reservation at Rossini's in two hours, that ok?'

'That's great.'

'Good. Babe?'

'Yeah?'

'You doing ok?'

'Yeah. Lester gave me ice cream.'

'Bet he shot straight to number one on your favourite person's list.'

'Number two.' I corrected.

'Oh? Who's number one?'

'You have to ask?' Then I hung up.

I could get used to that, it's kinda fun.

My cell rang, Batman didn't like to be hung up on either.

'Yo.' I said.

Pause. Sigh. 'Yo yourself.' Ranger finally said.

I laughed.

'Babe, that's twice you've hung up on me. I told you not to do that.'

'Oopsie-'

'-your bad?'

'Yup.'

'Babe?'

'Yeah?'

His voice roughened, 'Glad I don't need a cat.'

Then he hung up.


	16. Shorty, dinner, and fruit salad

_Some more, let me know what you think!_

**His voice roughened, 'Glad I don't need a cat.'**

**Then he hung up.**

Chapter 16

My natural Burg instinct told me to call him back, if only so I could hang up on him. But then I'd have to talk about the cat comment. And besides, he'd definitely send me to Guatemala if I hung up on him again.

So instead I mentally shrugged and turned to Lester, 'Ranger called me shorty.'

'You know what that means?' Lester enquired.

'I know what shorty means, but I don't know what it means that Ranger called me shorty.'

Lester grinned, 'why don't you ask?'

'What? Don't be stupid!'

'Why not? Asked Hector.

'Because…' what if it's only a turn of phrasing and he doesn't mean it?

'Oh.' said Lester, 'now I understand.'

'Huh?'

'You say out loud,' explained Hector.

'You spoke out loud.' I absentmindedly corrected him. And then I realised what that meant… 'Shit! You're not going to tell him that, are you?'

Lester and Hector exchanged Esp. glances that I didn't understand. I wish I could do that, I'm pretty sure that Esp. can cross the language barrier – and then it would be like I could speak a hundred languages, how cool would that be?

'Steph?' said Lester, amused.

'Huh?'

'Did you hear what I just said?'

'The silent Esp. stuff?' I asked.

'No, the out-loud-I'm-talking-with-words stuff.'

'Oh.' I paused, 'No, I didn't.'

He grinned and shook his head, 'I said; Hector and I won't offer the information to Ranger, but we won't lie if he asks us directly, ok?'

It didn't seem right to ask them to lie anyway, 'sure, thanks guys.' I said.

'Your welcome, now what time is Ranger picking you up for dinner?'

'OMG, in less than two hours! I have to get ready; Hector, bath duty.' I said, running to the bathroom.

Nearly two hours later, and I was groomed to perfection; well…not womanly perfection, but Steph perfection – I don't get much better than this.

My hair framed my face in soft smooth curls that shone with health and lustre. My legs were shaved, exfoliated and moisturised, and clad in black FMPs. I was wearing the dress that I'd asked Ranger's opinion on and he'd said 'if you knew, you'd have yourself barricaded in the bedroom with your gun in your hand' so I figure he likes it. And also I'm hoping his reaction to the dress might give me a clue about the shorty remark.

The dress skimmed tightly yet flatteringly across my body, seeming to boost me up a cup size and, at the same time, made it look like I had legs up to my ears.

I wore earrings and a matching necklace that trailed down my Victoria Secret induced cleavage.

I checked my appearance one final time and nodded my satisfaction, then I waked back into the living room.

Ranger was sitting on the couch, but he stood as I entered the room. 'Babe.' He said appreciatively, his voice deeper than normal.

He was clad in a black Armani suit that screamed wealth and outlined the muscles in his body; making him seem sexy and strong rather than merely bulky. In his ear he wore a diamond stud and his sleek hair fell loose to his shoulders. It was all I could do not to lick my lips. Yum.

'Ranger.' I said, my voice huskier than normal.

His eyes were still scanning my body, mentally undressing me.

'Maybe you guys should skip Rossini's and just eat each other?' suggested an amused Lester.

We both shot glares at Lester; we might be thinking it, but he can't say it.

Ranger offered me a bouquet of red tulips, 'My favourite!' I exclaimed, 'How did you know?'

'I asked your mom.' He said, smiling.

'You braved the Plum household to find out my favourite flower?' I asked, surprisingly touched.

'Yeah.' He paused, and then smiled ruefully, 'Grandma only pinched my ass twice.'

I burst out laughing, 'You got off lightly!'

'So I was given to understand.' He hesitated, looking curious, 'Did she really stun gun Frank?'

I put the flowers in a vase and poured some water in. 'Yeah, she was just trying out my new stun gun...' I said, shaking my head, 'you don't want to know about the time she shot the roast chicken.'

Ranger grinned, 'Babe, your family are fun.'

'Fun being synonymous with crazy.'

He laughed, 'Maybe,' he said, offering me his arm, 'but anything that produced you can't be bad.'

I smiled, taking his arm, 'Thanks.' And then I kissed him on the cheek.

Ranger smiled, 'you're welcome Babe. And Babe?'

'Yeah?'

'You look stunning.'

'Thanks, you're looking pretty edible yourself.'

He flashed me the wolf smile; full of desire and sexy promise. Oh my.

We drove to Rossini's in comfortable silence, with Lester and Hector following behind. Ranger thinks he might be a bit distracted on our date, so Lester and Hector are on bodyguard duty, sitting a few tables away from us, watching our backs.

Ranger froze as he entered the restaurant. Then he turned to me, 'maybe we should go somewhere else.' He suggested.

I looked over his shoulder, searching for whatever it was Ranger had seen.

It was Joe.

And Terri.

Together.

He was feeding her ice cream. _Just sex_ my fine ass.

Ranger raised an eyebrow, asking me what I wanted to do.

'We are _not_ changing our plans because of them. Besides, I love the tiramisu here.'

Ranger flashed me a 200 watt smile, 'Proud of you Babe.' Then he took my arm again and we sashayed past Terri and Joe. Well, I sashayed, Ranger strutted – looking smug that I was on his arm.

I wasn't going to complain, I probably looked smug to be on his arm, and why not? Every woman there was jealous of me, shooting daggers in my direction.

The meal passed quickly and pleasantly, we talked about minor things, enjoying each others company and the food.

But when the desserts came…

I took a bite of my tiramisu and moaned. And another bite – another moan. By the end of my tiramisu Ranger was staring at me, eyes black, and his bowl of fruit salad was untouched.

'Oh God shorty.' He said, huskily.

I smiled, 'wanna taste some?' I asked.

'It's all gone.' He pointed out.

'I said taste, not try.' Then I leaned forward and kissed him, the taste of my dessert still fresh on my lips. As he kissed me my foot slipped out of my shoe and, under the cover of the table sheet, my foot trailed up his leg. I paused at his inner thigh and his legs opened wider, it was the invitation I needed. I stroked him with my foot, and felt him harden further; Ranger groaned into my mouth.

Eventually Ranger pulled back from our kiss, 'we should go.' He said.

'You haven't eaten your fruit salad.' I smiled smiling cheekily.

Ranger picked up a bit of melon with his fingers and ate it, then he picked up a strawberry and offered it to me. I bit down into the fresh fruit and felt the juices of it run down my chin. Ranger leaned forward and licked the juices of my face. Then I picked up a strawberry and offered it to him, and so it continued, fruit by fruit.

When the bowl was empty Ranger took my hand and started to lead me out of the restaurant. 'Don't we have to pay?' I said.

'It goes on my tab.' Ranger explained.

'Oh.'

We slid into Ranger's car, and he drove us to my apartment.

'Walk me up?' I asked.

Ranger smiled in the darkness, 'Sure.'

Then he sent me the wolf smile.


	17. Air freshener

_Finally some more! Let me know what you think!_

**'Walk me up?' I asked.**

**Ranger smiled in the darkness, 'Sure.'**

**Then he sent me the wolf smile.**

Chapter 17 

Ranger slid an arm around my waist as we walked up the stairs, holding me close. I enjoyed the feel of his arm around me, but wished I was less conscious of Lester and Hector following a few steps behind. I unlocked my door and disabled the motion detectors. Ranger and I went to the living room, whilst Lester re-did all the locks and bolts.

I sat on the couch, but seconds later I was being lifted firmly into Ranger's lap. I smiled into his eyes and kissed him lightly - provocatively. His eyes darkened and he leaned forward and gave me a deeper kiss, sending tingles of desire to all the right places.

We stayed there, kissing each other: not lazy kisses, but I-want-to-rip-the-clothes-off-you-and-take-you-now kind of kisses. My heart rate was soaring and I'm pretty sure that just kissing him brings me to about a millimetre below climax.

Ranger Esp'd and his eyes darkened, without a word he lifted me up, setting me on my feet, then he stood and took my hand, leading us to the bedroom.

Ranger paused before we entered my room.

'Turn on some music.' He instructed Lester and Hector.

Then he tugged me into my bedroom. He closed the door and pushed me against it, lowering his lips to mine. As he kissed me his hands slipped under my t-shirt to the back of my bra and, with a skilled flick, the clasp was open. He smiled against my lips and his hands slid round to my front. His fingers caressed the swell of my breasts, and then he paused and pulled away from my lips.

Through the door we could hear 50 Cent's 'Candy Shop' blazing in my living room.

I rolled my eyes, 'Lester's such a…' I paused, not sure which insult to use.

'Wiseass?' Ranger supplied.

'Yeah.' I agreed.

Ranger smiled and started to kiss me again. This time his hands didn't pause; they swept round my breasts, kneading me gently in his callused hands. His thumbs stroked against my erect nipples and I arched my body into his. Ranger firmly rolled my nipples between his forefinger and his thumb and I moaned into his mouth.

Our bodies were pressed together and I could feel the line of his muscles against me, especially one deliciously hard muscle in particular. I rubbed my body against his and he groaned. My hands found there way under Ranger's painted on t-shirt and my hands found, and toyed with, his nipples. It was his turn to moan.

His lips left mine and started kissing their way down my neck. His tongue flicked against a sensitive spot on my neck and I gasped. He lathed the spot with his tongue and then he bit down on it. I gasped again, and my fingers laced in his hair and held him to my neck. He alternately licked and bit my neck: marking me.

I wanted him to kiss me, but before I could say anything his lips were trailing their way up again to my mouth. Our hot tongues met and battled, tasting each other, teasing each other.

Reluctantly Ranger pulled back, 'I want you Babe.' He said, his voice husky and low, 'and not just for sex. If that's all you want with me then I need to know now.'

Wait. Wasn't that what I was supposed to be saying?

And then what he said actually registered with my brain.

OMG! He wants me! And not just for sex – he really wants me!

I was staring at him, mouth open, eyes vacant, saying nothing. Shit Stephanie, say something!

'I want you Ranger, and not just for sex. If you're going to send me back to Morelli then I need to know now.'

His eyes were nearly black; 'I won't send you back to Morelli.' He promised, 'I won't ever send you away again.' Then he lifted me up into his arms and started to carry me to my bed.

He froze, then he turned and carried me back to the door, his hand searching for the light switch. He flicked it on and we stared at my bed.

There was a box in the middle of my bed.

But that wasn't what had grabbed my attention.

The bed was soaked in red paint. Either that or it was blood. I'm going with paint.

There was a thoughtful air freshener on my bedside – guess the psycho didn't want my room to smell bad. It's the little things that are important; sure he terrorises and kills women and hacks up their bodies…but hey, he buys you air freshener, so he can't be all bad, right?

Ranger gently deposited me in my chair and then he approached the bed. He pulled a silk handkerchief out of his pocket and used it to open the lid of the box. He looked inside and replaced the lid.

Ranger turned to me, 'Babe? Was the keypad green?'

I nodded; I'm not sure I can speak.

_Paint_ my mind chanted over and over again, refusing to accept anything else.

Ranger swore calmly and levelly, then he dug out his cell. He speed dialled someone and told them to get the Rangeman forensic team to Stephanie Plum's apartment.

He lifted me into his arms again and carried me away from the gruesome scene. Lester opened his mouth, probably to say something jokey, but he closed his mouth with a snap as he looked at our faces.

Soundlessly Hector and Lester went into the bedroom to investigate.

Ranger put me down on the couch and turned off the music. The sudden silence was achingly loud.

Ranger got a blanket from my cupboard and wrapped it round me, putting me on his lap again, his arms gathering me close.

'Babe?' he said softly, 'say something.'

'What was in the box?' I asked, my voice shaking slightly.

'Not sure it's a good idea to tell you right now.' Ranger replied.

'Please. Don't keep things from me.'

Ranger sighed. 'Stephanie Orrato was missing her eyes.'

I swallowed against the bile rising in my throat. 'Her eyes?'

'Eyes.' Ranger confirmed.

'The red stuff is paint, right?' Even to my own ears I sounded desperate.

Ranger didn't answer, so I had my answer anyway.

Bells were clanging, whistles were whistling, and I slipped away into the world of the unconscious.

I awoke with a knot in my stomach. I briefly wondered why, and everything came back in a rush.

'Babe.' Said Ranger, his voice carefully controlled, but I could hear the underlying worry.

I opened my eyes reluctantly, 'Three time's a habit.' I said, 'If I faint again then fainting can become my new hobby. Do you suppose fainting could be in the Olympics? I think I'm getting pretty good at it, maybe I should compete. What do you think?' I asked Ranger.

'I think-' He paused, obviously changing what he was going to say, 'it could be in the Olympics.' He concluded, letting me stay in the Land of Denial for a bit longer.

I flashed him a grateful smile, squinched my eyes shut, and concentrated on mentally writing my winning speech when I got Gold at the fainting Olympics.

_I first began fainting when I started receiving strange packages from a psycho, which contained body parts…_

Shit. I couldn't say that! I'd have to pretend it started differently. Hmm, how about it…

_I first began fainting when I began having regular sex with Batman. You see, Batman is pretty damn amazing in bed, and he can build you up to doomsday orgasms where the only option is for you to explode or faint from sheer mind-boggling pleasure. Naturally I chose the latter option, and before I knew it I had reached professional fainting status._

I smiled; that was much better. I sighed suddenly, my smile vanishing: If only it was true.

I dragged my mind kicking and screaming back to reality. 'What do you do when home isn't safe anymore?' I asked Ranger.

'You go somewhere that is safe.' Ranger replied.

'Like a hotel?'

'Like the Bat Cave.' Ranger said.

I stared at him. 'But the Bat Cave is forever.' I said

Ranger smiled slightly, 'You'll like it.' He promised, 'It's got a swimming pool and a sauna.'

'Does it have a hot tub?' I asked.

'No. Do you want a hot tub?'

I considered it, 'a hot tub would be nice.'

'I'll get one put in.' Ranger assured me. 'Anything else?'

'How about a gym?'

'It has a gym.'

I grimaced, 'I was afraid of that. What would persuade you to get rid of it?'

His lips twitched, 'how about if I make sure there's always junk food in fridge, then I get to keep my gym?'

I thought about it, 'Including donuts and ice cream?'

'Yeah Babe.'

'And Tastycakes and pop tarts and Twinkies?'

'Ok.'

'And potato chips and worthless white bread and olives and peanut butter?'

'Babe.'

'What?'

'That stuff'll kill you.'

I smiled with a hint of despair, 'not sure my life expectancy's too great at the moment.'

'My life before yours.' Ranger said simply.

And I knew he meant it utterly. I was shaken – did you die protecting someone you just loved in your own way? The thought of Ranger dying made me want to cry, 'I don't want you to die either.' I said forcibly.

'Then you'd better live a long time then.' Ranger suggested, his lips tipping up.

I smiled genuinely and kissed him, 'It's a deal, Ranger.'


	18. Batcave doubts and toes

_Sorry it's been so long..._**  
**

**The thought of Ranger dying made me want to cry, 'I don't want you to die either.' I said forcibly.**

**'Then you'd better live a long time then.' Ranger suggested, his lips tipping up.**

**I smiled genuinely and kissed him, 'It's a deal, Ranger.'**

Chapter 18

'Let's go.' Ranger suggested, as the room started to fill with forensic experts from Rangeman.

I nodded soundlessly and I walked out to my hall. Ranger slipped an arm round my waist and he didn't complain when I took the lift – in fact, he rode down with me. He opened the car door for me and I slid inside, feeling a little numb.

Ranger cast me a worried glance, but said nothing. He started the car and we angled out of the lot. Five minutes later and the purr of the engine soothed me to sleep; though it was probably helped by the after affects of the adrenaline.

I woke feeling more comfortable than I've ever felt. I was floating on a cloud, basking in the warmth of the sun…

Huh?

I opened my eyes.

I was lying in a large bed, in an even larger room – probably in an even larger house. The curtains were drawn and the sun was streaming in. I checked the clock: 11am. Guess I fell asleep, but the question is, where?

I scanned quickly over my recent memories;

Dinner.

Hot Ranger, hot kisses.

Psycho present.

Car.

Cloud.

Holy Moly…I'm in the Bat Cave.

I took several deep breaths, trying to stop myself from hyperventilating. My mind was a cross between blank and racing; _I'm in the Bat Cave. I'm in the Bat Cave. I'm in the Bat Cave._

And then, more importantly; _The Bat Cave is forever. Forever. I'm in the Bat cave, and it's forever._

I pushed my head between my knees and concentrated on breathing.

I felt a lot better after a few minutes, so I slipped out of the bed and padded to the bathroom. There was a cream robe on the door, which is lucky…cos I appear to be naked.

I'm 99 sure nothing happened between Ranger and me after the car – but the doomsday orgasm might have memory wiping properties…I mean, think of all the women Ranger must have ruined; if the doomsday wasn't mind-wiping then all those poor women must be sobbing themselves to sleep every night because they can't have Ranger.

I can have Ranger.

I grinned in the mirror, looking smug.

He wants me; he said so. My grin widened until I had a rather vivid flashback, and not of the sexual kind…

'**Do you want a goodnight kiss?' Ranger asked.**

'_Always.' I replied. He brushed his lips against mine and I sighed in contentment. His hand reached up and stroked my hair gently out of my face._

_I was lulled by his touch, and just as I was on the precipice of sleep I heard Ranger ask, 'because I what Babe? Why would I make you cry?'_

'_Because you don't want me.'_

Holy Shit

My heart was thundering in my chest and I didn't know what to think. Were his actions of the past week or so nothing more than an elaborate seduction? Or was he just trying to prove to me that he did want me?

He said he wanted me, and not just for sex.

_Yes,_ the annoying voice in the back of my head said, _but he's not going to say, 'I want you Babe, but I'm just going to fuck you and leave you, ok?' Is he? I mean realistically, he's not going to admit that if it's true. _

_But he took me to the Bat Cave_The other part of reasoned – the hopeful part.

**How do you know this is the Bat Cave? And even if it is, you're only here because of a psycho – Ranger didn't chose to bring you here.**

Shit.

I cleaned up, did my hair, tugged the robe tighter, and then stepped out into the hallway.

I followed the noises to the kitchen, where I found Ranger. He was cooking bacon. Ranger didn't eat bacon, not willingly – something about fat clogging arteries and his body being a temple, mental shrug. So why was he cooking bacon?

'It's for you Babe.'

'Did you Esp without even looking at me, or did I say that out loud?'

Ranger turned and smiled enigmatically.

I rolled my eyes and Ranger's smile widened.

'Ranger…' I said hesitantly, not really sure what to say.

Ranger frowned, 'what's the matter? You're upset.'

I thought I was hiding it pretty well…obviously not.

'Um, I remembered when you found out that thing I wouldn't tell you, about why you would make me cry…'

'And?'

'And now-I'm-all-confused-because-I-don't-know-what's-going-on-with-us-with-the-kisses-and-the-underwear-and-now-I'm-not-sure-if-you-want-me-or-if-you-just-said-that-to-get-me-into-bed-or-if-you-care-about-me?' I took another deep breath and hurried on before Ranger interrupted me and I lost my courage.

'And-if-you-do-care-about-me-then-what-does-that-mean-for-us-because-you're-lifestyle-doesn't-lend-itself-to-relationships-but-now-I'm-at-the-Bat-Cave-and-the-Bat-Cave-is-Forever.'

Ranger moved the bacon off the hob and turned to me.

'Babe.' He said. 'Have I ever lied to you?'

I dropped my eyes to the ground, looking at my feet shuffling on the shiny wooden floor. 'Not that I know of.' I muttered.

Ranger's bare feet came into my vision – wow, the man even had sexy feet. I'd never thought feet were sexy before, but honestly, I wouldn't mind taking his big toe into my mouth and sucking and then maybe I would…

'Steph.' Ranger said.

'Huh?'

'You can suck my toes later. Now, let's deal with this.'

I felt myself flush bright red, one of these days I'm going to learn to control my mouth and the things that come out of it. And in to it. Like Ranger's toes. Mmm.

'Babe.' Ranger said, his voice a shade away from laughter, 'focus here.' He reached out and tipped my head up slightly, forcing me to meet his eyes.

'I have never lied to you Babe.' Ranger said, all traces of amusement gone, 'I might have not mentioned things, but I've never lied. Do you believe me?'

I nodded.

'Good. Then why would you think I'd started to lie to you now? I want you Steph, and not just for sex. I want you. You. Do you believe me?'

I froze.

Did I?

'Yes.' I said, a heart beat later.

'Good. We're getting somewhere.' Ranger took a deep breath, 'I do care about you.' He said. 'And my lifestyle doesn't lend itself to relationships - it's very hard having a relationship with me; I work crazy hours, and sometimes I get moody and unreasonable, and I have dangerous enemies. But I'd change for you if that's what you wanted.' He said softly.

I held his gaze, 'It's because you'd change for me that I'd never ask you to.'

Ranger stepped even closer, his body radiating warmth, 'Thank you.' he breathed. His breath teased my neck, sending shivers down my body.

'And the Bat Cave?' I managed to ask, my voice a tad lower than normal.

Ranger smiled, his head dropping so that his lips grazed the sensitive shell of my ear. I shivered again as Ranger whispered into my ear, 'Oh Babe, the Bat Cave is still forever.'


	19. Operation Elucidate Emotions

_**'And the Bat Cave?' I managed to ask, my voice a tad lower than normal.**_

_**Ranger smiled, his head dropping so that his lips grazed the sensitive shell of my ear. I shivered again as Ranger whispered into my ear, 'Oh Babe, the Bat Cave is still forever.'**_

Chapter 19

'Uh…' I stammered, 'that's good to know. But, um…forever's pretty long, you know? How do you know you're not going to get bored of me?'

Ranger sucked on my earlobe and his teeth nibbled on it lightly, causing my breath to hitch. 'I'd never get bored with you.' He murmured.

His hands rested on my waist, his body was pressing into mine - and the familiar flames of desire were overcoming me; coherent thought was fast disappearing.

His arms slipped around me, enfolding me in his embrace. I buried my head in his shoulder and just enjoyed being held.

'You breakfast's getting cold Babe.' Ranger said.

I nodded and reluctantly disentangled out bodies. A girl's gotta have priorities, and food always been pretty high on my list.

I scarfed down my bacon, eggs and toast – appreciating it all the more because he had cooked it for me.

'Thanks.' I smiled, 'that was fantastic.'

Ranger smiled fractionally and kissed my neck, 'good.'

As he kissed my neck I became suddenly aware that I was only wearing a robe; one tug and the masterpiece would be revealed.

Ok, maybe not a masterpiece…

'Um…' I stammered, 'I should…you know…get dressed and stuff.'

A smile toyed with Ranger's lips but he merely nodded. 'I got some clothes from your closet.' He said, indicating a duffel bag on the floor by he kitchen side.

I considered getting upset that Ranger had been through my clothes, but...well…Ranger's been in more intimate things than my closet. I felt my face flush bright red at the thought, 'uh yeah. Thanks.'

'Sure.' He replied, looking curious as to the origin of the blush. Ah ha! See? The all-knowing Esp thing doesn't always work! It's broken!

'It'll get back on track in a minute.' Ranger said confidently.

'How the hell do you do that! Are you the devil in disguise?'

'No Babe.' He said, his voice was silky as he whispered, 'but I am here to temp you…'

'Just to temp me?' I asked softly, feeling inexplicably disappointed.

'No Babe.' Ranger sighed suddenly, and pulled away, making space between us. His dark eyes met mine and held my gaze, I started to feel a bit uncomfortable but I couldn't look away. Whether it was my stubborn pride or the mesmerising powers of Ranger, I do not know, but I couldn't - wouldn't - look away from him.

Finally Ranger broke the silence but not our eye contact, 'sometimes Babe, you watch, but you don't see. Sometimes it's not what you say, or how you say it, or even _if_ you say it – it's what you do. Look, Babe, and see.'

And with that, Ranger turned on his heel and left the kitchen, leaving me gaping there, thinking, 'huh?'

I took a _long _bath.

Three hours long.

Outwardly, I resemble a prune.

Inwardly, the turmoil that Ranger had created with his Zen master style comments was beginning to clear. Leaving a whole lot of uncertainty, and maybe just the smallest smidgen of hope.

I _was_ going to get dressed in silky underwear, jeans and a tight, low cut, top. But…I couldn't. For one thing, Ranger had apparently decided that underwear was surplus to requirements – normally I just felt like my privates were alfresco, now they really were. I pulled on the jeans Ranger had grabbed and looked for a top. He had packed a white top.

So now I was dressed in tight jeans that rubbed interestingly when I walked, and a tight white top that left little to the imagination. Ranger and I were going to have a long talk about appropriate clothing selection. But for now: I'm a woman on a mission. I set about hunting Ranger down – in more ways than one.

I found him in the fourth room I peeked in, he was with his father and his cousin, and all talk ceased when I walked in.

'Should my ears be burning?' I asked.

'Would we ever talk about a lady behind her back?' protested Ricky gallantly.

'I don't know, but would you talk about me behind my back?' I retorted.

'Miss Plum-' Carlos started.

'Stephanie.' I interrupted.

'Stephanie,' Carlos agreed, nodding. 'You are, assuredly, a lady.'

I blinked at this. 'Huh.' I turned to Ranger, 'doesn't he know about the cars and the dead bodies and the psycho's?'

'He knows Babe.'

'And you still think I'm a lady?' I said incredulously. He wouldn't think that if he knew I wasn't wearing underwear.

Ranger burst out laughing, holding his stomach, gasping for breath.

'Shit.' I said, 'can we pretend I didn't say that? After all, it's Ranger's fault that I'm not wearing underwear.' That didn't sound good. 'What I mean is…um…the psycho and all, and the Bat Cave, and Ranger packed some spare clothes but no underwear.'

Carlos smiled at me, 'Relax, mi cara, todo es bien. Tell me, the Bat cave?' He said, asking for an explanation.

'No one knows where Ranger lives and he has expensive black cars.' I said. Carlos and Ricky still looked lost. 'Like the Batmobile.' I clarified. Still blank. 'And he has sidekicks. The Merry Men.'

'Wouldn't that make him Robin Hood?' Ricky asked, confused.

'It could do I guess, but Robin Hood has a silly theme tune.'

Ricky thought about it, 'yeah, you're right.' He nodded, 'But how do you explain Batman having the Merry Men at his beck and call if he's not Robin Hood?'

I paused, 'well, Batman's kinda like Robin Hood – he's a human doing superhuman things, right?'

'Right.' Said Ricky.

'So maybe Robin Hood and Batman were picked on by the other superheroes because they're don't have special powers like Superman or Spiderman, or The Flash – and maybe they wouldn't let them join the Justice League. So Robin Hood and Batman became really good friends in the face of adversity and Robin Hood lent Batman his Merry Men to fight crime and right wrongs and stuff like that.'

'That's feasible.' Ricky agreed.

'Cool.' I said, 'glad we got that sorted.' I turned to Ranger, 'So if anyone asks, you have to say Robin Hood lent you the Merry Men, ok?'

'Babe.' Ranger said, amusement obvious.

'I like her.' Ricky said, 'can I keep her?'

'NO.' said Ranger firmly, glaring at Ricky.

I opened my mouth to rant about 'keeping' myself, thank you very much! But then I blinked. Focus Stephanie, the mission - remember?

'I need to speak with Ranger now.' I said sweetly, smiling at Carlos and Ricky, 'So if you'd please leave so that I can possibly yell at him, I'd appreciate it.'

The two grinning men got up and left.

'Traitors.' Ranger muttered.

'What was that?' I asked, still smiling dangerously.

'Nothing Babe. What's up?'

'What's up? What's up! I have just spent a lot of time being rather confused and stressed and it's not fair.'

'Babe-'

'No.' I said firmly, 'you're going to shut up and listen while I have the courage to say this, ok?'

Ranger nodded once, holding his silence, his eyes curious.

I sat down on the couch next to him but I stared straightforward, not looking at him. 'I know that you get frustrated when I pull back from you like I did earlier. It's not you –'

Ranger let out an uncharacteristic snort of disbelief.

'It's not you.' I repeated firmly, 'it's me, and everything in my life – and everything in my past and my present.' I chanced a sideways look at him and he was looking at me seriously, he nodded slightly and I continued, looking away again. 'You probably know this, but I lost my virginity to Morelli when I was sixteen and,' I swallowed, 'everyone knew it because the assholee wrote about on the stadium wall. I was pretty much persona non grata for a while after that, and then I went away to college, dated some guys, and then I came home and met Dickie. We had a stupid whirlwind romance and got married within a few months.' I rolled my eyes at my younger, stupider, naïve self.

'You know how that ended. Everyone does. After the divorce I got myself a job with E. E. Martins, just a temporary job, I thought, but I stayed there three hideously long years. I dated a few guys but…' I shrugged.

'Then I got laid off and I bribed Vinnie into taking me on. I met you and you were hot and interesting but oh so private and more than a little bit scary. You weren't filed under 'potential boyfriends; in my Rolodex,' I said wryly. 'And then Joe stepped back into my life. When we started seeing each other again, after his false arrest and everything, the whole of the Burg started talking about how it was fate, kismet, meant to be. And he was so familiar, and it was so easy. I grew up with him; he knows the same people, frequents the same places, eats the same food, supports the same team and drinks the same beer. And then you kissed me.' I closed my eyes.

'And it was…different. And now, it doesn't really matter what you do, you make me melt. And Joe - doesn't. I was trying to sort that out in my head, trying to understand my 'unhealthy patterns' of behaviour, when I went to visit Joe.'

I took a shaky breath, 'and once again,' I said, 'the supposed man in my life is shagging someone else on the dinning room table. I knew that things were ending between us, but I didn't want-' my throat constricted painfully and Ranger's arm slid around my waist, silently supporting me. _Sometimes it's not what you say, or how you say it, or even if you say it – it's what you do. _Ranger's words rang in my head and my heart and gave me the courage to continue. I leaned in to him, but still kept my gaze averted.

'It's only been less than a week Ranger, less than a week that it all ended forever, for real. And I'm upset. And then I started getting the presents. And I'm scared. And now I'm trying to sort out my feelings for you, and most importantly, I'm trying to work out your goddamn feelings for me. Because, Ranger, I don't have Esp. And you - you don't make sense! I just honestly don't know what to make of you. Before, I knew I trusted you implicitly, I always have, and you've never abused that trust. And then, it was sexual. And then, the morning after…well…it was obvious that it was _just _sexual.' Ranger's arm tightened around my waist but he held his silence.

'But then, at the same time…Abruzzi. What the hell am I supposed to make of that? That's not something you do for someone who's a quick fuck.' Ranger made a noise of protest in the back of his throat, but I carried on. 'And it's always been like that. You are always, without fail, there for me. Always. I give you a call and I have ten Merry Men on me – on loan from Robin Hood or not – you're wasting time, and money on me. Risking lives for me. Risking jail for me. 'Sometimes it's not what you say, or how you say it, or even _if_ you say it – it's what you do.' And your actions are bloody confusing because they seem to contradict your words. You told me your lifestyle doesn't lend itself to relationships and to go back to Morelli, and yet by your actions you have supported me, unswervingly. But Ranger, the men in my life don't support me, not like you do. They always let me down. They always hurt me. And half the time, when I'm with you, I'm waiting for you to do the same.'

'Babe-'

'Please.' I said softly. Ranger fell silent again.

'I've never had someone who would give their own life before mine. I've never had someone to lean on; I've never had a rock - unless you count my dad. And most of the time, I don't even want anyone to lean on, but sometimes, when you're crying your eyes out, it's nice to have someone to hold you. Someone who would hunt down The Adventures of Wonder Woman for you. I'm scared that all you want is sex because I want more. And I'm scared to try for more because I don't want to lose such an amazing friend.'

I squinched my eyes shut again, 'I lust after you more than is decent to admit, and you make my tummy go squishy and I always know when you're around. I know you're frustrated when I pull back from you and I'm sorry, but if I go forward with you then I have so much more to lose then I've ever had before. Losing you would hurt far more than losing Dickie or Joe, and…and…I don't even know when you're birthday is!'

'12th September.' Ranger said softly.

'That's not exactly what I meant.' I sighed.

'I know Babe. Can I talk now?'

'You do seem to be.' I muttered.

'I know the men in your life have let you down and hurt you, but that's just another unhealthy pattern that can be broken Steph. And I'll help you break it if you'll let me. No matter what happens Babe, I'm always going to be your rock – even when it pisses you off. So, Babe, tell me what would make you willing to try 'us', and I'll do it if I can.'

And finally I have reached the crux of my mission – Operation Elucidate Emotions.

'Tell me how you feel about me.' I whispered, feeling so terrified and nervous that I almost thought I might be sick.

'Is that all?' Ranger asked, a hint of dry amusement in his voice, 'well, it's quite simple Babe…I love you.'


	20. One long word

Sorry it's been so long! Hope I haven't lost my touch! Oh, and since its been so long, guess I'd better do the whole disclaimer malarkey! **Disclaimer: Anything you don't recognise is mine, anything else is JE's, no profit made!**

Please let me know what you think! Heather x

**_'Tell me how you feel about me.' I whispered, feeling so terrified and nervous that I almost thought I might be sick._**

**_'Is that all?' Ranger asked, a hint of dry amusement in his voice, 'well, it's quite simple Babe…I love you.'_**

Chapter 20

It felt like I'd been waiting forever to hear Ranger say those unqualified words to me. But the problem is, when you've been hoping for something for so long, a small part of you can't help thinking that it will never happen. The happiness his words caused was almost over swept by an overwhelming amount of relief. _He loved me. _I smiled brightly at Ranger, and then promptly burst into tears.

Through my blurry vision I saw his eyes widen in surprise, guess Batman hadn't been expecting that reaction either. He gathered me into his arms and rocked me slightly.

'Please don't cry Babe.' He murmured.

'I'm not crying.' I said, sniffing, 'I'm just playing with my tear ducts.'

His arms tightened around me and I felt him smiling. 'Playing with your tear ducts. Of course. How long does a game normally last?'

'Not that long.' I hiccupped.

Ranger nodded, and settled us onto the couch. My sobs finally ceased after a few saline-filled minutes. 'You really love me?' I asked, looking into his eyes finally.

'Really.' He agreed.

'Really?' I asked again.

Ranger looked like he was thinking about smiling. 'I love you.' he simply said.

'Even with a puffy face?'

I felt laughter ripple through him.

'It's not so puffy.'

I reached up and felt my face, it felt puffy to me - it felt like puffy central. Someone's telling fibs. But it made me feel better so I didn't call him on it. I snuggled into his body and buried my head into the crook of his neck. 'Iloveyoutoo.' I blurted.

His arms tightened around me. 'I know Babe.'

'One day I'll be able to say it in those three little distinct words.' I informed him, mumbling into his shoulder. Yep, I'm a dope.

'That's ok Babe, one long word is good enough for me.' I pulled back to look into his smiling chocolate eyes.

'Iloveyou.' He said.

I felt the biggest smile draw across my face, no one understood me like him.

'Iloveyoutoo.' I repeated.

Ranger flashed all two hundred watts at me. Then his eyes lost the traces of humour and were filled with some even warmer. His hand ran through the tangles that I called hair and his eyes followed the curves and lines of my face, memorising this moment. I smiled at him, feeling suddenly and ridiculously shy. His lips curved up in a slow sensual smile that had my heart thundering.

Ranger's hand left my hair and his fingers softly caressed my face before gently tipping up my chin so I met his eyes. We held eye contact as his head tilted and moved closer to mine. I closed my eyes and I felt his warm breath skim my lips. It could have been a second or an eternity before his lips finally pressed against mine, all I could think was how right it was. His lips were warm and firm and full, and no matter how many times we had kissed, we had never kissed like this.

Eventually we drew apart and I smiled into his eyes, my heart feeling inexplicably light.

'Hi.' I said.

Ranger smiled that slow smile that I knew was only for me. 'Hi.'

I used a hand on his firm chest to keep myself balanced as I switched positions, from sitting sideways on his lap to straddling him. I settled myself back down against him, leaving next to no space between. Apparently Ranger thought next to no space was a fraction too much and he used the belt loops of my jeans to move me forward until my body was flush against his. I blushed as I was reminded of the tightness of my jeans. Ranger rose as eyebrow at the blush, and then a knowing smirk replaced it.

'You stole my underwear.' I accused him in a low voice.

He smirk widened, 'I think you'll find that I specifically _didn't_ steal your underwear. It's all where you left it - in your apartment.'

I contemplated complaining, but that would just be plain hypocritical. When I had thought he had stolen my underwear a few days ago, I had been nearly hyperventilating with panic, so now when I actually wanted him to have packed me some underwear, he didn't. It was just another example of that phenomenon that so few were lucky enough to witness; Ranger humour.

Ranger brought my attention back to him by shifting his hips fractionally, making all number of interesting things happen. He smiled in satisfaction as my pupils dilated and my breath caught. His smug smile irritated me, so I kissed him instead. His mouth opened willingly under my ministrations and my tongue invaded his mouth, revelling in the warmth and taste that was uniquely him.

His hands slid up the back of my white t-shirt, caressing my back deliciously. My back arched involuntarily as his touch sent shivers to all the right places. I moaned into his mouth as he repeated the action.

'Well well well.' Said an annoying wiseass voice that I recognised easily. 'I guess this means they made up already.'

I ignored Lester and carried on kissing Ranger firmly. Ranger seemed to be getting into my Ignore-Lester plan, but then Tank cleared his throat, 'Ranger, man – later.'

In that moment I knew I was fully capable of committing murder.

Ranger chuckled at the frustrated growl that escaped the confines of my throat. 'Easy tiger.' He murmured, 'no killing Tank until he's finished all his paper work.'

Tank did a fairly credible impression of a burg eye-roll. 'The lead your father's company has been running down has pulled up another blank. We need to re-evaluate the situation.'

Ranger assumed his poker face, but I could tell his emotional dial was pointing to 'not-happy'.

Re-evaluation was not a favourite thing of mine, mostly because I didn't even evaluate to begin with. Head, meet sand, sand this is head. Head proceeds to be buried in sand. It's a simple life, where my biggest problem is sand in my ears. Unfortunately, I was pretty sure that the whole sand thing wasn't going to cut it this time.

Which, apparently, meant re-evaluation - hell if I knew what that was, but it didn't sound like a good utilisation of my time on this earth; time that could be better used to be getting Ranger into his birthday suit. Sadly I was pretty sure Ranger wouldn't agree - Ranger probably invented re-evaluation.

The worst thing was, I probably wouldn't be doing the whole re-evaluation thing anyway, even if I knew what it was. The men in my life had few things in common, but a tendency to try and hide details from me - for my own good of course - was something that they had in common. I guess I would find out from Ranger what they had decided.

I didn't sigh, I didn't pout - and I didn't even pull my hair out in frustration. Ranger was probably stressed out enough without me adding any dramatics to the equation. Instead I just slipped off Rangers lap so that he could be all soldier hunter type.

Ranger stood, but to my surprise he took my hand and started leading me somewhere. We entered an office that had some Men-in-black in it. Guess I was on the re-evaluation team. Go team Stephanie!

'Babe.' Ranger said, 'This is Ram, Woody, and you've met Bobby.' He said gesturing to each Man-in-black in turn.

I finger waved, and suppressed the numerous witty one-liners I wanted to direct to 'Woody'.

Apparently, re-evaluating meant looking at all the evidence again. I tried not to zone out, but Ranger kept writing things on the white board, which gave me the perfect opportunity to check out his amazing butt of steel.

Luckily, I managed to retain enough information to get the general idea. Carlos quickly updated us all on the leads his company had been following up on, with Ricky interceding with a few points every so often. Unfortunately, the gist of their report was that they had eliminated their one and only suspect, at the same time they had eliminated their client because he had been refused bail, and was still in the lockup when I got my presents and oh so lovely phone call.

So basically, there was some unknown guy out there, who wanted my blood. Not a comforting thought. The psycho's I'd gone up against in my past, it was scary, it was horrible, but at least I knew who was terrorising me, and in that I had some small defence that I would be able to lock them away, get evidence on them, avoid them, anything! But we knew next to nothing about this guy.

We knew his MO, we knew he was after me, and we knew now that he was as slippery as an eel covered in Vaseline. His natural tendency towards lubrication aside, we also knew he was damn good at breaking and entering. Not only had he gotten past all my beautiful locks, more importantly he'd gotten past the motion detectors, or managed to reset them; either way, it wasn't good news.

I was putting on a brave face, but even Ranger looked grim. The security in the bat cave was legendary, but one of its main defences had always been that no one knew its location. Ranger had a great security system in place, but the one he'd installed for me hadn't been bad either. Apparently Ranger's had laser beams of light and stuff, like in museums. Normally I would think it was overboard, but right now I was thinking lasers were just fine and dandy. Still, Ranger was taking no risks. He ordered his most trusted men to set up a perimeter around his estate and ordered someone to be watching the cameras full time. I thought it was overkill, but I wasn't complaining.

Finally Lester turned to me, 'you really have no idea who this could be?'

I was tired, stressed and cranky. 'Oh!' I said suddenly, 'Yes! I know exactly who it is – it must have been that guy following me around with the 'I-Plan-To-Kill-Stephanie-Plum t-shirt. Jeez, it just slipped my mind. There. Case solved.' I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at him.

'You're cranky when you have psycho's after you, huh?'

I closed my eyes and started counting.

'Babe?' Ranger asked, 'what are you doing?'

I opened my eyes, 'I was counting sheep to keep me calm.'

Lester shook his head, 'don't you know anything? You count sheep to make you go to _sleep_.'

'I count them to keep me calm. You got a problem with that Santos?'

He opened his mouth, took one look at my face and closed it. 'No ma'am.'

'Good.' I said tightly, 'don't you have places to be? Now make like an orange and roll.' He stared at me. 'Make like a banana and split?' I offered.

He grinned, 'What is it with you and food?' Lester asked.

I rolled my eyes, 'Duh, food is love.' Lester was looking at me strangely. Guess he didn't understand that in the Burg everything was about food, the whole day centred on those three meals. 'My mum bakes a cake, that's love.' I explained. 'I eat the cake, that's love.'

Lester frowned, 'so if you bake a cake, that's love?'

I rolled my eyes again, 'don't be silly, if I bake a cake, that's hate.'

'What?' Lester was looking even more confused, 'Why, because you're the daughter?'

'No. Because all my cooking is poisonous, if I bake you something, it's because I'm trying to kill you.'

Lester turned to Ranger, 'This is the woman you said those three little words too?'

Ranger kissed me lightly on the lips, 'no, this is the woman I said that one long word too.'

Lester stared in confusion and then shook his head, 'they're both mad.'

I laughed, and hugged Ranger tightly to me. 'Iloveyou.' I whispered to him.

'Iloveyoutoo.' He replied, smiling for me only.

And suddenly, nothing was quite so bad anymore.


	21. Friendship counts

­

_**Happy New Year one and all... and yeah, angsty warning a tad, not too much, but a tad...Let me know what you think please! It feeds my muse!**  
_

_I laughed, and hugged Ranger tightly to me. 'Iloveyou.' I whispered to him._

'_Iloveyoutoo.' He replied, smiling for me only._

_And suddenly, nothing was quite so bad anymore._

Chapter 22

Psycho wise, we were back to square one. We spent the night going over everything we knew - again. It was long and boring, and I vaguely remember Ranger carrying me to his bed before oblivion hit. I slept like the dead and awoke suddenly. And most importantly, I awoke with an idea.

I climbed out of the bed, pulling on a pair of sweats, only peripherally noting that Ranger was still in our bed. I all but ran to the office room and started flicking through documents.

One of the files comprised of information on men Stephanie had dated. It was a thin file. And it was exactly the kind of information my parents would have produced. I rolled my eyes and located the telephone number for Stephanie Orrato's parents. Five minutes later I had finessed the cell number of Orrato's best friend, Renee.

I dialled the cell number, making my introductions quickly; vaguely outlining the reason I was calling without going into graphic detail.

'So you're being stalked too?' said Renee, sounding worried for me.

'It looks that way.' I said grimly, 'but I wouldn't worry about it, this stuff always happens to me, I'm a Bounty Hunter.' It was always easier to sound tough on the phone, esp when they weren't looking at my 5" 7' frame with disbelief.

'Oh.' Renee sounded relieved. Suddenly she turned fierce, 'so you're going to get the guy who did it, right? I never believed that it was her boyfriend; Jack was too loving, too soft. He could never of hurt Stephanie.'

'That's the plan.' I confirmed. 'I just need to ask you a few questions.'

'Shoot.' Renee said, and I clicked on my ballpoint pen and got down to it.

Twenty minutes later I had a long list of guys who had ever indicated interest in Stephanie Orrato, including childhood crushes and teenage loves. The list was long. Stephanie had been a popular girl.

I had put stars by the names of anyone currently seeing someone or married. They weren't off the list, just lower down in priority.

I figured that the psycho that was after me had chosen me because I looked like Orrato, and my name was Stephanie, and he was obsessed with her. It was more than likely that he had made contact with her at some point; either admiring her from afar or briefly dating her before being dumped.

A crime like this, if it had been truly serial, would have already pulled up so many FBI flags by now that it would be like a one-person parade. I could only conclude that Orrato was the first. Maybe he'd gotten a taste for it; maybe he couldn't bear her rejection of him, and was now deluding himself about me, either way, it wasn't sunshine and rainbows for me.

Orrato had lived near the Miami area, and according to Renee hadn't even travelled to Trenton, and yet - the psycho had found me. My best bet was that he had seen a newspaper article about me once.

I thanked Renee for the information and disconnected.

With a sigh I dialled my second cousin's son's number, who worked at the Trenton Times.

'Hey Bill.' I said easily, 'It's Steph.'

'Steph! Great to hear from you, finally going to give me that exclusive interview?' he asked cheerfully.

I snorted, 'you think I'm going to speak to you? You're the one that decided to call me The Bombshell Bounty Hunter!'

'When it fits…'

I rolled my eyes, 'Can you do your thing and find any newspaper articles that mention me, and find out where they circulated?'

I heard a stream of rapid taps on the keyboard, 'It's pulling up a lot Steph, any way to narrow the search down? Hey, I didn't know you sang in the church choir competition! Second place, way to go!'

'Recent articles.' I said, through gritted teeth, ignoring my gospel singing days, 'Anything from my twenties and up.'

'Gotcha.' He said, making some more clicking noises.

'Ok, a sum total of 29 articles.' He paused, 'most of them are post-E. E. Martins, you know, dead bodies, exploding cars. None of the articles are circulated beyond the Trenton area, but there's always the possibility of articles on the web about you, in which case...'

'Worldwide.' I sighed.

'Yeah.' Bill paused, 'if this is going to help you on a case can I get dibs on the interview?'

I sighed again, 'Maybe Bill, maybe.' If I'm alive at the end of it.

The articles were only in the Trenton area, so that meant that the psycho had passed through, most likely on dates that the articles were printed, or lived in the area. Now I had a list of ex's and something to cross reference with. Either that or this was a complete wild goose chase.

It was a lead, I told myself firmly, whether it panned out or not, it was a lead.

I leaned back into my chair with a satisfied stretch, and abruptly realised I wasn't alone, not even a little bit. Everyone from the re-evaluation yesterday was sitting round the desk looking at me, waiting in silence.

I blinked in surprise and Lester grinned at me. 'The boss said you had an idea. Looks like you did.'

'I…well…yeah.' I said succinctly.

Ranger came and stood behind me, resting his hands lightly on my shoulders, 'you got the floor Babe.'

I took a deep breath and outlined my thoughts.

When I was finished there was thoughtful nods all round. The list of ex's names I'd made was split up and each of the MM had some assigned to him. The team dispersed quickly, finally with motivation and a goal.

'Good work tiger.' Ranger said, looking like he was thinking of smiling.

'Thanks.' I smiled. 'I'm going to take a shower if that's ok.'

Ranger nodded, 'Sure.'

I got up and gave him a soft kiss on the lips before I left. I put an extra swing in my hips as I walked out the room, knowing he'd be looking. I paused at the doorway and looked back at him, smiling at the heat in his eyes.

I've still got it, I smirked to myself. And my good mood lasted until after my shower, when my cell rang. It was Mary Lou.

She was crying, and through her sobs I managed to make out the words, 'Lennie', 'Pot roast' 'Sex'.

I didn't know quite what to say to that, so I assured her I would be over in thirty minutes. I hung up and went on a Ranger hunt.

I found him amidst two computers and three piles of papers. He was frowning fractionally, which was Ranger's equivalent of several head-thunks on a steering wheel; he was frustrated.

'Hi.' I said, kissing him lightly on the head. 'Mary Lou called; she sounded really upset. I said I would come over.'

His frown lines deepened. I held a hand up to forestall his objections. 'I'll wear a GPS thingy, and you can put two guards on me, I'll even ride in their car. But I'm going.'

It was a compromise, a big compromise for me, and we both knew it.

'She needs me.' I said softly, and saw his resistance crumble, I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't go to my friends aid, and he knew it.

'You'll wear GPS, ride with the men, they will escort you to the door, you will call them when you wish to be escorted back to the car, and you will _not_ leave the house.'

I flashed him a grateful smile, 'thanks.' I decided it didn't really cut it as thanks, so I lifted the laptop off his lap carefully, putting it on the table behind me, and deposited myself there instead.

I leaned forward and kissed his neck lightly, kissing my way up to his jaw, licking the shell of his ear. I smiled in satisfaction as his breathing hitched and deepened. I nibbled his ear lightly, then whispered into his ear, 'thank you.' He turned his head and met my eyes with his, then his eyes flickered down to my lips and then his lips did the same. He kissed me long, slowly and deeply, setting every nerve on my body on fire.

Eventually he pulled back and I moaned in disappointment. 'Your welcome.' He breathed softly.

Lord knows how I managed to pull myself away from my own personal hunk of burning love, but I guess I have more will power than I thought. Besides, Mary Lou needed me, and we may not be as close as we were once, but she's _always_ got my back, and I've got hers. So, half an hour later, I found myself decked out in the latest GPS technology shoved down my bra, and parked out front Mary Lou's house.

I argued that putting the GPS in my pocket was fine, but Ranger gave me that look, and then reached down my top painfully slowly, caressing my curves deliberately as he placed the GPS thing in my cleavage.

Slowly he smiled at me, 'The pockets not as fun.'

Despite myself, I blushed, and Ranger chuckled slightly.

I pulled myself out of my Ranger-induced coma as Hal cleared his throat loudly. 'Are you going in Miss Plum?' He asked, shooting me an amused glance.

'You've been spending too much time with Lester.' I muttered.

The other MM in the car, the notorious Woody, chuckled.

'Let's go.' I said, resigned to being followed to the door like Mary and her sheep. Actually, thinking about it, it was kind of pertinent, being as it was _Mary_ Lou that I was visiting. I started humming 'Mary had a little lamb', and Woody chuckled some more. I decided to call him Mr Chuckles, in my head at least - he was still a Merry Man, with all the muscles and street cred that implied, and he could probably crush me with a thought.

I cleared my face of humour and knocked on the door. It was wrenched open by a still sobbing Mary Lou.

'S-St-Steph!' She wailed. I stepped inside, and the men exchanged relieved glances that they could return to the car. Give a Merry Man a gun-toting murderous war-lord and they were peachy, give them a crying female and watch them run. Nice to know every superhero had a weakness. Or superhero-group. Whatever.

I focussed my attention on the tear-splotched face of my best friend. 'Hey Mare.' I said gently, hugging her, 'What's the matter?'

It took an hour, a tub of ice cream, five doughnuts, and a tray of biscuits to get to the bottom of the crying-spree.

With no surprise I learnt that the cause of her woes was Lennie. I didn't doubt he loved her, not for a second, but one of the first lessons a girl learns, even before make-up and walking in heels, is that men, without exception, are stupid. Thick. Cognitively challenged. However you phrased it, it was still universally true; at some point the man you love is going to open his mouth, and you are not going to be happy with what comes out.

You forgive them, of course, cos that's what Love is all about, but that doesn't change the fact that they are going have an occasional brainless moment. Lennie, had in fact, had two such moments in rapid succession. The first…well, he fell asleep during an intimate moment where Mare was riding woman on top. Falling asleep during sex is generally one way to insure instant offence to the one still awake, and Mare was no exception. She didn't mention it however, feeling that in this instance, perhaps discretion was the better part of valour. But when Lennie had the sheer conniption to suggest, to infer, that the pot roast was dry?! That was the last straw for Mary Lou, who promptly threw her husband and her children to the figurative wolves by sending them to her mother in laws.

The reason why Mary Lou was quite so hysterical was the vast amounts of rum she'd imbibed. So, inevitably, we arrived up in the bathroom as I held Mary Lou's hair out of her face while she reacquainted her throat with her stomach lining. It wasn't my favourite thing, not by a long shot; watching someone worship the porcelain God invariably sent waves of nausea to my otherwise steely stomach. Dead bodies? No problem. Hacked body parts? Move on. Someone throwing up? Ack. No, not my favourite thing.

Which is why my eyes were squeezed tightly shut as Mare did the vomiting-hula. I didn't hear the sound of the window scraping open over the sound of Mare's hurling. And when I felt the touch of something cold on my arm my eyes flared open too late. I registered the nothing in front of my eyes before I realised he was behind me. Before I could turn, before I could scream, before I could even whimper, the button on the stun gun was pressed, and treacherous oblivion claimed me.


End file.
